5 weeks/One Month

Let's see...what things do I want to remember about the past few weeks? Well, for starters, I think Ben has started to smile for real. The first time, Joel was holding him say "soooo big" and Ben smiled repeatedly in response to that. Then, today, I took him to my work and he gave the ladies lots of smiles. I wonder if he recognizes their voices, since he probably heard their voices more than Joel's over the last nine months (partly because I spent more waking hours with them and partly because they talk a lot more than Joel!).

He has started sleeping pretty well at night. He usually does a long stretch of 6-7 hours and then wakes up to eat, followed by another 3-4 hours. However, I'M having a hard time sleeping! My mind just won't shut off! Especially during the 3-4 hour stretch in the early morning...I feel pretty rested after the 6-7 hour stretch that it's very challenging to go back to sleep. During the day, things are a little less predictable. The only thing predictable is that he sleeps well in his car seat, so I'm often tempted to drive around and go shopping while he takes a nice long snooze...but that has resulted in some expensive naps (long naps at the mall = lots of time to shop...). The only other predictable thing is that he's fussy in the evenings. Poor Joel. It's almost like clockwork. Ben starts to get fussy minutes before Joel gets home. As a result, most of the time that Joel gets to spend with Ben is with him fussing and crying! I'm glad Joel will have the summer to enjoy the full spectrum of Ben's personality and not just the evening fussiness!

At Ben's one month appt, he weighed 12lbs 4 oz. I hope I'm not feeding him too much!! Sheesh! He has grown so much over the past two weeks. Other than his evening fussiness, he's a pretty content little guy. He likes to lay on the floor with his diaper off and his favorite thing to do is stare at the windows. I think he likes the contrast of the light and dark since I know he can't actually see what is outside.

I am feeling so great. I just feel so happy and motivated and...well...whole! I feel mentally healthy and balanced....like for the first time I'm spending my mental energy on important things. Also, I am already thinking and planning for baby number two. I never expected to feel this good so soon after having a baby, nor did I expect to feel good at all in the immediate weeks after birth. This whole thing has gone so much better than I expected. See, being a pessimist and expecting the worst is good! I am happily surprised at how things turned out! Joel and I are doing pretty well. We're trying to work on our communication. Our lack of communication becomes more glaringly obvious when we're overtired and stressed about a screaming baby...That's no fun.

We haven't yet made it to church since Ben was born, but we're trying! His schedule gets thrown off on the weekends (maybe cuz Joel is here? I don't know) and it's soooo hard to get out of the house on time for church! Two songs that Joel is listening to right now that make me cry: Sanctus Real, Lead Me and Matthew West, Safe and Sound. Sob sob sob!! Of course, I cry at the drop of a hat right now (About happy things). Aaaaah, life is good.

Mr. Ben is sleeping in his swing right now (it's 7pm...this is the first evening nap he's taken in a very long time). I know my love for him will continue to grow...unbelievable!