8 weeks

Today we had Ben's 2 month appt. He was 24.5 inches and weighed 14 lbs, 4 oz. When the doctor was examining Ben, he rolled over from tummy to back for the first time! Not sure if it was an accident or what!

Yesterday we met with the lactation consultant about ben's refusal to eat. She thinks I'm over feeding him and he refuses because he's full. He had gained 6 oz over the past week, so it's obvious he's getting enough to eat, which makes me feel a lot better. So, today I'm not forcing the issue...if he doesn't want to eat, I just try again later. He has eaten a few good meals today, so I'm happy. Now we just have to get him to sleep more during the day. Siiiiiigh. He's sooo cranky when he doesn't sleep!! The doctor swears that more tummy time will do the trick...we'll see...

We're going to Yakima this weekend. I have a knot in my stomach about it. I'm dreading all kinds of things...the drive over (I'm sure Ben will scream a good portion of the trip), the advice from Kathy and laurel, even fewer naps than he already takes, etc. Ugh. I'm getting stressed just typing it. The days are hard enough as it is, just dealing with cranky Ben and keeping my frustration to myself...Much less having to deal with them, no matter how much I love them.

Anyways, a few developments I've noticed this week. There's not too much to report this week. Ben has been looking at his hands a little more. Also, today I noticed him staring at the dinosaurs on the blanket that I used to cover his carseat. He was really interested in them for at least five minutes.
We had some rough days this week and the end of last week. Ben just cries and cries during the day. Today is a little better, thank goodness. His napping seems to be getting worse...they are shorter and it's harder to get him to sleep. Wonderful. I think that's about it this week!

Seven weeks

We went to the doctor today because Ben has been off with his eating habits and has been extra fussy at night... Taking 3+ hours to put down at night. He has been refusing to eat half the time, whether from me or a bottle. He's obviously hungry, but he cries or screams when we try to feed him. The doctor ruled out thrush and an ear infection. Basically, I think it all comes down to him not getting enough sleep during the day and it has turned into this ugly cycle where he's so over tired he cant even calm down to eat... But then he's so hungry he can't sleep for more than 45 mins at a time. Soooo frustrating!!! But, this morning he slept really well then he had a good breakfast, so we started the day off well. We'll see how the rest of the day goes.........

He weighed 13 lbs, 13 oz and was 24 inches long

Don't forget...

Don't forget the cute way Ben went bald on the front half of his head. Don't forget the sweet fuzz that is starting to grow there now. I love to kiss his head and feel the soft fuzz.

Don't forget his sweet baby hands. I think he inherited my hands. I'm not a fan of my hands, but on him??? They are so precious. They are so boxy and just the perfect amount of pudge. I could just eat them up!

Don't forget those sweet dimples. People noticed them from the second he was born. I remember someone commenting on them as I lay on the table right after they delivered him. I like to kiss those sweet dimples (well, really, I like to kiss every part of the little guy!)

Don't forget his sweet little sigh. As I lay in bed as he sleeps, I can still hear his sigh in my head. It's both squeaky and deep at the same time. It sounds as if he's happy and content. I love it so much.

Lastly, don't forget his cry. And I mean his real, pitiful, alligator tears cry. He makes the saddest pouty face in between sobs. I can hear his cry in my mind, too. It's the saddest, sweetest, most pitiful thing. Whenever I can do something to comfort him and make that cry stop, I feel so good. Tonight, he was crying and crying and crying. I was holding him, walking around the house and he suddenly fell fast asleep against my chest. Aaaaahhh, I truly can't think of anything sweeter.

Sigh. I don't want him to grow up...

These pictures are a few weeks old, but they capture some sweet moments I never want to forget.

Six weeks (a few days late)

I can't believe another week has gone by. I am enjoying Ben so much that I don't want time to go by. Normally, I'm always rushing through life, always looking forward to the next thing... But for the first time I can remember, I am living in the moment, enjoying each day with little anticipation of the next stage. Sure, I think about the future and am excited for all it holds (trips to Disneyland!), but I'm in nooooo hurry for any of it.

First off, he weighed 13 lbs 3 oz on Tuesday. He's starting to look a little more chubby :)

This week there have been some developments. They are small and most people probably wouldn't notice them (unless it was their own child) but I am excited about them! First, he has suddenly gotten better control of his arms/hands. He can now rub his eyes when he's tired and he's having an easier time putting his hand in his mouth. He still can't control his fingers enough to get the thumb in there.

Another development just appeared today. Until now, if Ben was fussy, it didn't really comfort him when I picked him up. Well, today he was sad for much of the day and I noticed he would stop crying when I picked him up!! Yay!! It's so nice knowing I can provide him some comfort :)

Also, i learned that the medical definition for sleeping through the night is sleeping for a five hour stretch...so, technically Ben has been sleeping through the night for a while now. Now of only we could get him to nap better during the day...

He smiles quite a bit now and chatters and coos alot, especially when he's laying on the floor. He loves laying naked and he also seems to like tummy time. I think thats all i wanted to remember for this week!

Ps the last picture is my baby blanket...poor, attention-deprived Emma decided to shred it across the entire house. In college, I had clipped off a section of my blankie and gave it to my dad. He was nice enough to send it to me after he heard of the tragedy :)

P.p.s. As I was writing this post, I put Ben in his bed to see if he would fall asleep on his own. Miracle of all miracles, it worked! This evening was unique though...he slept for two+ hours on Joel's chest when he got home from work, so just now I filled his tired belly and he was super sleepy when I laid him down. But, hey, I'll take any sign of good sleep habits I can get!!

Six weeks

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Baby pics

My friend, Rebecca, offered to take some pictures of Ben when he was about a week and a half old. Unfortunately, on the morning she came, he was kind of fussy and didnt want to cooperate. She did, however, get a few good shots of him. It's funny, he has much less hair now than he did when he was born. I could just stare at pictures of him for hours...I love the shape of his face...the way his chin comes to a cute little point (less noticeable now that he's getting a little chubby).

5 weeks/One Month

Let's see...what things do I want to remember about the past few weeks? Well, for starters, I think Ben has started to smile for real. The first time, Joel was holding him say "soooo big" and Ben smiled repeatedly in response to that. Then, today, I took him to my work and he gave the ladies lots of smiles. I wonder if he recognizes their voices, since he probably heard their voices more than Joel's over the last nine months (partly because I spent more waking hours with them and partly because they talk a lot more than Joel!).

He has started sleeping pretty well at night. He usually does a long stretch of 6-7 hours and then wakes up to eat, followed by another 3-4 hours. However, I'M having a hard time sleeping! My mind just won't shut off! Especially during the 3-4 hour stretch in the early morning...I feel pretty rested after the 6-7 hour stretch that it's very challenging to go back to sleep. During the day, things are a little less predictable. The only thing predictable is that he sleeps well in his car seat, so I'm often tempted to drive around and go shopping while he takes a nice long snooze...but that has resulted in some expensive naps (long naps at the mall = lots of time to shop...). The only other predictable thing is that he's fussy in the evenings. Poor Joel. It's almost like clockwork. Ben starts to get fussy minutes before Joel gets home. As a result, most of the time that Joel gets to spend with Ben is with him fussing and crying! I'm glad Joel will have the summer to enjoy the full spectrum of Ben's personality and not just the evening fussiness!

At Ben's one month appt, he weighed 12lbs 4 oz. I hope I'm not feeding him too much!! Sheesh! He has grown so much over the past two weeks. Other than his evening fussiness, he's a pretty content little guy. He likes to lay on the floor with his diaper off and his favorite thing to do is stare at the windows. I think he likes the contrast of the light and dark since I know he can't actually see what is outside.

I am feeling so great. I just feel so happy and motivated and...well...whole! I feel mentally healthy and balanced....like for the first time I'm spending my mental energy on important things. Also, I am already thinking and planning for baby number two. I never expected to feel this good so soon after having a baby, nor did I expect to feel good at all in the immediate weeks after birth. This whole thing has gone so much better than I expected. See, being a pessimist and expecting the worst is good! I am happily surprised at how things turned out! Joel and I are doing pretty well. We're trying to work on our communication. Our lack of communication becomes more glaringly obvious when we're overtired and stressed about a screaming baby...That's no fun.

We haven't yet made it to church since Ben was born, but we're trying! His schedule gets thrown off on the weekends (maybe cuz Joel is here? I don't know) and it's soooo hard to get out of the house on time for church! Two songs that Joel is listening to right now that make me cry: Sanctus Real, Lead Me and Matthew West, Safe and Sound. Sob sob sob!! Of course, I cry at the drop of a hat right now (About happy things). Aaaaah, life is good.

Mr. Ben is sleeping in his swing right now (it's 7pm...this is the first evening nap he's taken in a very long time). I know my love for him will continue to grow...unbelievable!

The Closet

My mom and Steve are planning on moving up to this area soon. That means they are selling the house I grew up in. I'm not attached to the house nor am I sad that they are selling it. But, last night I lay in bed thinking about the memories I have there. Of course, there are WAY too many to write about here, but for some reason, last night I was thinking specifically about memories of the big, walk-in closet in Us 3's room.

That closet was a special place. I think it felt extra cozy and provided a little getaway from our big family. I remember Us 3 would make lists of outfits and tape them to the wall in the little nook in the closet and we'd go sit back there and get ready. The details are a little fuzzy...I don't quite know what we did, but I remember the feeling. It was a feeling of order and calm sitting back there in that little nook, executing whatever "plan" Us 3 had come up with.

I also remember sitting in the closet late at night, chatting (often fighting) on my cell phone with my boyfriend at the time (and racking up some pretty big cell phone bills). The closet was the one private retreat in the whole house.

Other memories include having my guinea pig run around in there...his own place of freedom. I also remember thinking that there was someone living in the attic (there was an access portal to the attic in the closet). We were convinced of this because a mysterious necklace showed up on Brenna's bed...and a pair of stretch pants mysteriously appeared. Also, my mom had heard loud thumps once or twice in the middle of the night that couldn't be explained ANY other way. There MUST have been someone living in the attic. We were pretty freaked out...

I also remember my attempts at cleaning and organizing the closet. Wooo Boy! Us 3 were paper hoarders...we had binders and folders and stacks of paper everywhere. The closet was also filled with books, toys, clothes, knick knacks, etc. You name it! So, occasionally, we would try to organize it, which involved pulling things off the shelf. Usually, half way through the task, it would seem SO daunting as the piles of STUFF stared back at us and we would need to have it all cleaned up before the weekend was through.

I still like going into the closet and just looking around. I remember doing that as I was growing up, too...there is always something bound to catch your attention or provide entertainment if you look around long enough. I think it was kind of motivating/inspiring to look around the closet. If I was bored, I could stand in the closet and something would jump out at me to do...at the very least, I would be inspired to organize it!

Interesting how I can have so many vivid memories and emotions tied to a closet...I hadn't ever thought of it before, but it kept me up for at least an hour last night as I thought about these fun memories :)