The first few weeks with Elaina were super easy breezy. She just slept all the time with no effort on my part. But now that we've hit the four week mark, things are getting a little more challenging. Her naps during the day are a puzzle I'm trying to figure out. I now know what all the books talk about when they say to put the baby to sleep before they get tired. She has a really hard time going to sleep and staying asleep when she gets overtired. And it doesn't take much at all for her to get over tired. She is only awake for about 30 minutes before it's time for her to go to sleep again!
My biggest struggle right now is probably my own brain. I over think things way too much. I stress myself out over what the best way to deal with her sleep is....do I let her cry for a while? Do I comfort her every time she gets upset? Am I ruining her by letting her take one nap per day in the Ergo? Sometimes she's great at putting herself back to sleep after the 30-45 minutes wake-up and sometimes she's not. I spend a lot of time reading suggestions on the internet...but all that does is drive me crazy. I have two websites open right now that give exact opposite advice. One says that the best possible thing to do is to let the baby cry for 15 minutes and wake them up after 1.5 hours of sleep. Another site says that the baby is too young right now to let them cry, so I should pick herup and comfort her whenever she cries. Since I'm indecisive, I can't pick a method that I like, so how I react depends on my mood....Every grunt I hear on the monitor sends a little wave of adrenaline through my body ("noooo! stay asleep!"). My brain goes crazy thinking that maybe it's me who makes my children bad sleepers. Am I turning Elaina into a Ben?? I even think "oh my gosh, she's going to be a terrible sleeper and the Taylor's aren't going to have the patience for this, so I'll have to quit my job just to help my baby sleep". Very rational, I know........
So, other than my crazy brain, things are actually quite good. Since she sleeps so much (or we spend so much time trying to get her to sleep), we don't have a lot of time to interact with her. Joel gets even less time with her since she sleeps almost all evening. He literally gets to see her awake for 10 minutes a day! I love it when she's awake!! I get giddy thinking about the coming weeks/months when she'll be awake more and we will get to know her better!! Her sweetness kills me!! Her cry is the most pitiful thing I've ever heard. God really knows how to design those babies to get exactly what they need! My goodness! Even when my nerves are totally fried and I want to throw things and shoot daggers at anyone who comes within 50 feet of me, I look at her and can't help but melt. At night, she's a great sleeper. On several nights, she's slept for 5-5.5 hours straight. She wakes up and eats for about 7 minutes and then passes right out again for another 3 hours. I sometimes struggle falling asleep, but I'm still getting way more sleep than I thought I would with a newborn! I really have nothing to complain about.
Mornings aren't my favorite...I have a rough time dealing with people in the mornings anyways. I love mornings, but only if I get alone time first!! Right now, I wake up to Ben in my face and am immediately bombarded with 4000 questions. Oooooh, that's rough on my soul. We have a few hours together before we head to preschool or the Taylor's. Elaina hates her carseat, so she screams for the 30-45 minutes it takes for us to get to and from wherever we're going, meanwhile Ben is shouting another 4000 questions at me over the sound of Elaina's crying. So, the first few hours of each morning are rough on my nerves. After that, I'm much better....although dealing with the constant questions from Ben is rough anytime Elaina is crying. It's like my tolerance totally shuts off as soon as the crying starts.
Ben is still totally in love with Elaina. When he holds her, he automatically talks in the most adoring, melty voice. We always have to pry her out of his hands. Although, Ben doesn't like it when Joel holds Elaina because that means Joel can't rough-house.
I do a lot of thinking while I'm nursing Elaina and trying to get her to sleep. I constantly think of ways that I want to improve as a mom/wife...I desperately want more patience with Ben and Joel. During my quiet times, I realize that of course there's nothing more I'd rather be doing than caring for my family...and that I'm THANKFUL for Ben's questions and love the way his mind works. But as soon as I'm in the moment, all that goes out the window and my patience disappears. I wish I could embroider something on my eyelids (I've actually considered getting a tattoo) to remind me that this is what I want to be doing and to be thankful and to be patient, yada yada yada . There's literally nothing better I could be doing with my time than listening to Ben or playing with him....but it's so hard!
Overall, I'm doing better than I thought I would. Joel's internship plus work is keeping him away more than usual. There have been several nights already where I've had the kids all day and he doesn't come home until after bedtime. I'm actually proud that I'm handling things as well as I have. Sure, I've had a few meltdowns, but overall it's good. I sure do love my family!
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