Ben - 3.5 Years!

Our little buddy is Three and a half! He sure is an amazing son!

For the record, we don't have tantrums anymore. I want to say it's been at least six months since we've had a real tantrum or fit, maybe longer (or maybe I'm delusional and we've had one more recently)? The worst we get is whining or being slow to listen. The most challenging thing to deal with is his high energy level and constant questions/talking! It wears me out! It's hard to stay focused on what he's saying all.the.time. He's such a good boy. When he does something on accident, he asks questions to find out if he'll be in trouble for it and he always feels bad for accidents. The other day he broke a vase while I was at the grocery store. He asked Joel if he could call me and he told me all about it and explained that when you break something of someone's, it's good to tell them about it. I love hearing his explanations for things. It shows what he's learning and what's going on inside his head!! I love it! Another example is from a few weeks ago...Kyler was over and they kind of pulled the trampoline net apart and threw rice from the rice bin all over the place. I don't know who was the instigator, but they both got in trouble. After Kyler left, I told Ben it was his responsibility to make sure Kyler was following the rules as well. A week later, we had Kyler over again. I had forgotten about the incident. But, before Kyler came over, Ben told me that he would make sure that Kyler knew the rules and that they wouldn't break the trampoline or throw rice. It made me so happy to know that the lesson stayed in Ben's mind!

He has such a big heart. The other day I got mad at him for not listening and he melted into a puddle of sad tears. Oh man, that broke my heart but I'm also secretly glad it upset him. It means I have some power! Heh. He loves his sister so much. Although, when she's screaming in the car, he gets a little irritated and tells her in an irritated voice to "stop crying, baby sister!". He calls her either baby sister, Elaina Jane or little bug. I love the way he says "lil bug" in his affectionate voice! He came up with that nickname on his own. He doesn't call her Elaina. When he tells other people her name, it's always "Elaina Jane". I love it!

He is becoming way more comfortable with new situations and new people. His first day of preschool had no tears, which surprised me. His body language told me that he was very nervous, but he went off with no problem. Now, every day, he gives me tons of hugs and kisses while we wait in line, but he happily goes off with his class. He's starting to learn the names of his classmates and looks forward to preschool every week. I've had the chance to see him interact with his classmates a few times, and he's totally himself and perfectly comfortable around the kids. I love getting to preschool early to pick him up and spying on him while they play in the playground. I like watching him play without knowing I'm there. He just runs around happily and totally chill! We also signed him up for gymnastics at the YMCA. He is doing great. He is good at following directions and loves doing all the activities.

Adrienne took this picture of Ben and Kyler in Kyler's room.

Preschool field trip to the pumpkin patch. As they were getting ready for the cow train to move, Ben yelled "I love you mommy!!". My heart exploded right then and there. 

His favorite things right now are Dinosaurs, Ninja turtles, Legos, reading books, doing experiments, and getting attention from mom and dad (or anyone he loves). Sometimes we do real science experiments, but most of the time, he's coming up with his own experiments. Usually it involves mixing random stuff together and calling it an experiment...and sometimes it's legitimate, like doing an experiment to see what happens when you put popcorn in a cup of water vs a cup of milk...or he came up with one where he filled three bowls with water and put an ice cube in each one. He wanted to see which melted first (he put other stuff in the bowls, like soap and sand to see if it would make a difference). And books. I love that he loves books. We go to the library a few times a month and come home with a huge stack of books. He'll happily sit and read 20 books at a time with us. He would read all day if Joel or I had the patience and vocal chord stamina!

Making popcorn!

A few funny stories from the last few days:
So, Emma has really been on my nerves lately. Several times I have said "I'm going to kill her!". Well, at Gymnastics this weekend, they were talking about respect. The teacher asked if anyone knew what respect meant. Ben raised his hand and told the teacher that his mom said she was going to kill Emma, and that is Not respectful. No one knows Emma is a dog!! haha!

On Sunday we tried a new church. We went up for communion. In the tray, there were cups with white juice and purple juice. We all took the purple juice, including Ben. Turns out the purple juice was wine! Ben loudly wanted to know what in the world we had given him! Maybe he'll announce that next week in Gymastics "My dad gave me wine!".

The other day, I woke up just before Ben did. I was standing outside his room and heard him singing sweetly "Jesus is the Lord...Jesus is the Light of the World". What a beautiful sound to wake up to!

Here he is sleeping with Tuckers, legos, a Ninja turtle book, and his nunchucks. He's so big but he's still my sweet little guy....

Elaina update - seven weeks

Just want to jot down a few things to record Elaina's last few weeks. 

The last few days have been a big improvement. Last week, I had a few really rough days. I was so stressed about Elaina's sleep. She was having troubles sleeping for more than 10-20 minutes. I felt like I was spending all day trying to get her to sleep, which was extra challenging with Ben needing attention and love. On Wednesday and Thursday, my mom came over and helped. On Wednesday, she watched Elaina while I picked Ben up. She was only with Elaina for about 30 minutes, but in that time, my mom carefully studied her and came up with a few suggestions.  She also thought that maybe I was too focused on Elaina's sleep. I've tried to take her advice in the last few days and it seems to be helping. We're keeping Elaina awake a little more and it immediately seems to have made night times easier. Before, it was taking 2-3 hours to get her to sleep at bedtime. But, as soon as we started keeping her awake more, she goes to bed quickly. What a relief!! This weekend, I tried to relax about her sleep and go with the flow more. I took Elaina to the grocery store for the first time on Saturday. On Sunday, we went to church in the morning and in the evening, we went to wiggle works and Chipotle for dinner. Elaina was a champ! For all the outings, Elaina snoozed a little in my ring sling. I love that thing!

She hates her carseat and screams everytime we're in the car. Other than our outings this weekend, I don't get out of the house much. Being away from work and being house-bound makes me feel a little disconnected from people. I find myself talking to people more on social media and text messages. I have almost zero in-person interaction with other people! Just a few minutes at preschool drop off! 

During Elaina's awake times, I've been trying to give her some different experiences. I got some books at the library that have cool, high-contrast patterns for her to look at. I've also been reading nursery rhymes to her, doing tummy time and letting her lay by herself. Before we hadn't been doing much of that because she was sleeping so much, or we were trying to get her to sleep. For all her naps and bedtimes, Joel or I carry her until she dozes off. Sometimes she wakes up when we put her down and sometimes she's able to put herself to sleep. The first nap of the day is the easiest and has the best chances of her putting herself to sleep. Other than a rough week last week, she has some luck putting herself back to sleep after the 30-45 minute mark. Again, the first nap is the easiest for this and gets harder as the day goes on. I've found that putting a rice pack on her chest/tummy in the afternoon naps helps her stay asleep. She takes all her naps and night sleeps in a little rocker by our bed...hope I don't regret that...at some point we'll have to transition her to sleeping flat on her back. 

She's been smiling more and more. Gosh, I love that smile. It just lights up her whole face. She is cooing and chatting, but not a whole lot. I watched videos of Ben when he was a baby, and Ben was WAY more chatty at a much younger age. She sleeps well at night. Except for one night in the last few weeks, she sleeps a minimum of three hour stretches, but she usually does one 5-7 hour stretch and one 3 hour stretch. I really can't complain that I'm not getting enough sleep. Although, this job sure is tiring. 

One of my favorite things about Elaina is her profile. Her jawline is so beautiful! I wish I could get a picture of it, but I usually have the best view of it when she's nursing in the dark room, so it's hard to get a pic. Her skin is incredibly soft. The other day I was rubbing her cheeks and was trying to think of the words to describe how soft they were. It was softer than the softest silk. It was almost like I wasn't touching anything. They are perfectly smooth, warm and smushy! Her hair hasn't fallen out like Ben's did. Wonder if that's still coming? She is very long. Her finger are long, her toes are long...her arms and legs are really long...her neck is long. I love it when I lay her down to change her diaper and she waves her arms around, grabbing at the air. She looks like a little gorilla (although, she doesn't do that really anymore). 

Glamour

I sure am feeling glamorous these days. I spend most of my days in tank tops with no bra. My boobs leak when I nurse, so if I don't have anything nearby, half my shirt gets soaked with milk. I get spit up on and drooled on. Elaina's hands get grimy and smell like cheese. I drink a special tea that's good for nursing. As a result of the fenugreek in it, I smell very strongly of maple syrup all day. I can barely stand the smell of myself. If I'm lucky, I'll have a glass of red wine at 4 in the afternoon which leaves me with lovely purple teeth, just in time for Joel to come home and see his beautiful wife. I haven't gained back total control of some of my bodily functions yet, so that's lovely, especially when we have guests. As Im writing this, I happened to move my foot and felt something wet and gross. Turns out it's dog puke...now there's dog puke on my toes. Elaina's napping on my chest so there's no way I'm moving to clean that anytime soon. 

In the last week, I've been blasted with baby poop, wiped Ben's poop 1000 times, picked up dog poop from inside the freaking house, stepped in dog poop in the house, and watched my dog eat her poop (and, honestly, she's also eaten Ben's poop out of his little toilet a few times this week!!!!!...I very truly and honestly might kill the dog. My mom has witnessed two close calls). so much poop! Poop and sleep seem to be the only thing I talk about.

The kitchen is an absolute disaster and the fruit flies are having a blast at our house. Ben got baby powder everywhere several days ago and I've yet to clean it up. If anyone comes over, I hurry and pick up all the dirty diapers off the floor so I look at least .25% pulled together. 

Even though there is zerooo glamour to this job, I look down and see the most precious, pure, beautiful girl sleeping on my chest, sucking her tiny hand. Soft, dark hair...the softest cheeks that are too silky and smooth for words...little eyelashes clumped together with tears...little tiny breaths and little tiny toots. So beautiful. Even the toots! This job is so, so hard but being a mom and becoming a mom to a new little soul and loving my kids is the most beautiful thing there is....

Elaina - One Month Reflections.

10 lbs, .5 oz. Above the 97th percentile for height, between 75-90 for weight and head size. Crazy that she's still not the size of Ben when he was born (and we actually went in on her 5 week bday, so she's a little more than 1 month).

The first few weeks with Elaina were super easy breezy. She just slept all the time with no effort on my part. But now that we've hit the four week mark, things are getting a little more challenging. Her naps during the day are a puzzle I'm trying to figure out. I now know what all the books talk about when they say to put the baby to sleep before they get tired. She has a really hard time going to sleep and staying asleep when she gets overtired. And it doesn't take much at all for her to get over tired. She is only awake for about 30 minutes before it's time for her to go to sleep again!

My biggest struggle right now is probably my own brain. I over think things way too much. I stress myself out over what the best way to deal with her sleep is....do I let her cry for a while? Do I comfort her every time she gets upset? Am I ruining her by letting her take one nap per day in the Ergo? Sometimes she's great at putting herself back to sleep after the 30-45 minutes wake-up and sometimes she's not. I spend a lot of time reading suggestions on the internet...but all that does is drive me crazy. I have two websites open right now that give exact opposite advice. One says that the best possible thing to do is to let the baby cry for 15 minutes and wake them up after 1.5 hours of sleep. Another site says that the baby is too young right now to let them cry, so I should pick herup and comfort her whenever she cries. Since I'm indecisive, I can't pick a method that I like, so how I react depends on my mood....Every grunt I hear on the monitor sends a little wave of adrenaline through my body ("noooo! stay asleep!"). My brain goes crazy thinking that maybe it's me who makes my children bad sleepers. Am I turning Elaina into a Ben?? I even think "oh my gosh, she's going to be a terrible sleeper and the Taylor's aren't going to have the patience for this, so I'll have to quit my job just to help my baby sleep". Very rational, I know........

So, other than my crazy brain, things are actually quite good. Since she sleeps so much (or we spend so much time trying to get her to sleep), we don't have a lot of time to interact with her. Joel gets even less time with her since she sleeps almost all evening. He literally gets to see her awake for 10 minutes a day! I love it when she's awake!! I get giddy thinking about the coming weeks/months when she'll be awake more and we will get to know her better!! Her sweetness kills me!! Her cry is the most pitiful thing I've ever heard. God really knows how to design those babies to get exactly what they need! My goodness! Even when my nerves are totally fried and I want to throw things and shoot daggers at anyone who comes within 50 feet of me, I look at her and can't help but melt. At night, she's a great sleeper. On several nights, she's slept for 5-5.5 hours straight. She wakes up and eats for about 7 minutes and then passes right out again for another 3 hours. I sometimes struggle falling asleep, but I'm still getting way more sleep than I thought I would with a newborn! I really have nothing to complain about.

Mornings aren't my favorite...I have a rough time dealing with people in the mornings anyways. I love mornings, but only if I get alone time first!! Right now, I wake up to Ben in my face and am immediately bombarded with 4000 questions. Oooooh, that's rough on my soul. We have a few hours together before we head to preschool or the Taylor's. Elaina hates her carseat, so she screams for the 30-45 minutes it takes for us to get to and from wherever we're going, meanwhile Ben is shouting another 4000 questions at me over the sound of Elaina's crying. So, the first few hours of each morning are rough on my nerves. After that, I'm much better....although dealing with the constant questions from Ben is rough anytime Elaina is crying. It's like my tolerance totally shuts off as soon as the crying starts.

Ben is still totally in love with Elaina. When he holds her, he automatically talks in the most adoring, melty voice. We always have to pry her out of his hands. Although, Ben doesn't like it when Joel holds Elaina because that means Joel can't rough-house.

I do a lot of thinking while I'm nursing Elaina and trying to get her to sleep. I constantly think of ways that I want to improve as a mom/wife...I desperately want more patience with Ben and Joel. During my quiet times, I realize that of course there's nothing more I'd rather be doing than caring for my family...and that I'm THANKFUL for Ben's questions and love the way his mind works. But as soon as I'm in the moment, all that goes out the window and my patience disappears. I wish I could embroider something on my eyelids (I've actually considered getting a tattoo) to remind me that this is what I want to be doing and to be thankful and to be patient, yada yada yada . There's literally nothing better I could be doing with my time than listening to Ben or playing with him....but it's so hard!

Overall, I'm doing better than I thought I would. Joel's internship plus work is keeping him away more than usual. There have been several nights already where I've had the kids all day and he doesn't come home until after bedtime. I'm actually proud that I'm handling things as well as I have. Sure, I've had a few meltdowns, but overall it's good. I sure do love my family!

Ben - Two things

Two recent sweet things that Ben has said:

1) The other day I made him lunch. As I gave it to him, he said "thanks for making me". When I said "you're welcome", he told me he wasn't thanking me for making lunch. He was thanking me for actually making him. Then he wanted me to say a prayer to thank God for making him. So we said a quick prayer and thanked God for making Ben, Elaina, Mom and Dad. I have no idea where that came from, but it was very sweet!

2) The other night, I went in to say goodnight to Ben. Joel and Ben had just gotten done talking about what they're thankful for so Ben asked me what I am thankful for. I said some stuff and then I asked him to tell me a few of the things he had shared with Joel. The first thing is that he's thankful the dinosaurs aren't alive anymore. Second was that lava isn't real (hmmm). And third is that God loves him. Soooooo stinking sweet!