Big - guy feelings

I talked to Karen last night for almost 45 minutes. She is VERY concerned about the severity of Ben’s tantrums. We talked and talked and she assured us over and over that she ADORES Ben and thinks he’s the coolest kid, but his severe tantrums disturb the other kids and impact everyone there. When he has an hour of screaming and head banging, the other kids get upset. She is very excited that he has improved on other areas…for example, he isn’t so concerned about controlling the other kids…and he’s not as bossy anymore and his tantrums are way less frequent, but now they are more severe. In January, she kept a tally of his tantrums and one day he had 54. Those were all small…now he has one or two tantrums a day, but they are super intense and often last an hour. They are totally unpredictable and there’s absolutely nothing anyone can do to stop them. She brought up the point that children are evaluated on 4 different areas: Intelligence, Physical, Social and Emotional. Ben’s Intelligence and Physical development are advanced, but maybe his emotional development isn’t as developed.  We want to try to get to more of a balance of the four areas. Although, If his brain isn’t developmentally ready to be more emotionally mature, there’s not much we can do to force it. Anyways, it was great to talk to Karen about this. I know it’s SOOOO hard to deal with. Yesterday I thought she was going to cry when I picked Ben up…he had been throwing a fit for an hour, so she had to have her husband come home from work to help get Ben in his carseat. She acknowledged that since he is so big and so advanced with his language that she expects him to be much older than he really is, so she’s going to try to focus on remembering that he is actually the same age as Abigail. Even though it’s hard to hear that Ben is giving Karen a hard time, I also have overwhelming pride. Ben is so special and I know that these traits are what make him so special. When he’s not throwing the tantrums, he’s SO happy and bright and SO kind and SO thoughtful. He says thank you for everything and observes how Joel and I are feeling. He can identify some of his emotions as well as what Joel and my emotions are (happy, sad, angy). I actually consider Ben an easy kid most of the time....He is usually so happy, easy- going, adaptable and independent. He's a champion sleeper and just SO FUN....it's just these extreme tantrums that are a bit of a challenge.

So, we’re going to set up an appointment with a child psychologist. We absolutely don’t think there’s anything wrong with Ben and honestly, I’m not worried about the severity of Ben’s tantrums. But, Karen is VERY concerned (she said about 20 times yesterday that she is “very concerned about the severity of his tantrums”) and she can’t keep Ben at her house if his tantrums continue to be so severe and disruptive. I struggle with wondering if this is “normal” toddler behavior or not…but Karen continues to say that this is the most severe “toddler” behavior that she’s ever seen. So, we’re just going to talk to someone to see if they have any tips on how to help him deal with his intense emotions. I don’t want to squash Ben’s strong spirit, so I’ll be excited if they can tell us anything to help Ben learn to deal with his big-guy feelings.