Summer 2014 update

Well, I thought it was time for a little update.  It just so happens that this week, his constant protests and persistence has been especially frustrating,  exasperating and exhausting. I get home from work and for the rest of the evening, it seems like a battle of wills. He seems to protest eeeevrrything I say. It seems like Ben and I "but heads" more than Joel and Ben. He almost always wants Joel to do whatever it is that I'm trying to do (dress him, put shoes on, put him in the carseat,  etc) which only adds to the frustration for all of us. Tonight (and many nights) he fights me as I brush his teeth and put his jammies on. Then he demands that I go downstairs while he snuggles with joel....but, 10 minutes later when he's alone in his room, he wails for me, beggggging for a "nuggle", saying Oh-so-sweetly "mommy, I need you.  Mommy I want you". Of course, I want so badly to give in and snuggle him, but I don't want him to figure out that he can just delay bed time by doing that. The times that I do snuggle him are ooooh sooooo sweet. It's like his brain relaxes right before bed and he pours out everything in his brain. He sweetly chatters away about whatever is on his mind...He talks about memories from weeks or months ago...or he tells me what his favorite things are...or he talks about the day... or asks questions about loooots of things. We can easily do this for 20 minutes before I have to cut him off and say good night. I loooove that special time with him!!

Even though he can be a little frustrating,  the joys continue to be endless. The things he says are always entertaining (see list at end of post). I love the way he gets excited about things. The other day we were at my mom's and he wanted to ride the riding lawnmower but Steve wasn't home. All of a sudden, Ben started jumping up and down, shrieking "Gamma bev!! Gamma bev! Papa Steve is here!!!!" He was like a tornado of excitement all of a sudden, running around trying to figure out which door Steve would be coming in. There is so much excited energy that comes from his body!! It's contagious!

We're enjoying watching him learn how to ride his bikes (tricycle = "bicytle" and strider bike = "bike"). He's a pro at pedaling his tricycle and can ride it all the way to the park. We've started to gradually increase the seat on his strider bike so he has to rely a little more on balance. On slight declines, he picks both feet up every once in a while. He loooves taking his strider bike everywhere...When we went to oregon,  it came with Us to the beach every day. He likes to ride his bike over things, like pinecones, rocks, leaves, etc.  If there aren't enough obstacles,  he'll get off his bike and throw a bunch of stuff on the sidewalk and then ride his bike carefully,  making sure he rides the wheels over each item.

We have had a wonderful summer so far.  I need to make a separate post about our little trips. But, other than that, we've done lots of small things. I'm loving all the time I've had to just enjoy Joel and Ben. Ben has been loooving swim lessons and anything else that involves water. At the pool, he loves wearing the "puddle jumper" life vests and paddling around the pool by himself. At Wildwood park, there is a stream that runs through the park. We love going there on hot days because it's totally shaded. I love watching Ben take off and explore the stream and the surrounding forest.  We try not to interrupt him and let him get lost in his exploration (in his mind...not actually lost).

One more thing...Ben is fearless.  It's rare that he is startled, surprised or scared by something. He's definitely cautious sometimes, but it's usually (usually...not always) mixed with glee and excitement.  It's so interesting to observe. I remember making this observation about him when he was a tiny baby and it's a trait that has stuck around. I don't mean to say he's a daredevil, because he's not the biggest daredevil I've ever seen (he never even climbed out of his crib)...i just mean that we rarely ever see fear or hesitstion or uneasiness in his eyes...not even a flash of it. Although, it was funny...at the beach,  Laurel and Gabriel were watching a funny youtube video where a guy demonstrates how different animals eat their food. The first one was a cow, so the guy slammed his head down on the table (it makes sense in the video). Ben did not like that!!! He wanted us to turn it off and kept talking about it the rest of the day in a very curious tone of voice ("man eating and hit his head on table. Why mom?"). Instead of fear in unknown or new situations we usually see determination (sometimes displayed as STUBBORNNESS),  curiosity, confidence and observation...again,  all traits we've observed since his baby days. Sigh. This child is so fascinating (duh. All children are. But he's our very own!  We get to know and see all of his teensiest qualities and personality traits!)

Funny things ben says:

At bed time, Ben to me: "Neeeed you, Ben want a nuggle." As he confidently reaches around my neck and pulls me down towards him

Saying "oh sure" in a relaxed, happy tone of voice when we ask him to do something (I wish this was how he always responded! )

Every morning when he feeds our new pet goldfish: "Good morning orangey!!!! See! I opened it!!" (Opening the jar of fish food; saying good morning with so much joy, excitement and happiness)

In the locker room the other day, another mom asked how old Ben was. Then this exchsnge happened:
Me: "he's two"
Ben: "mommy tirty"
Me: "mommy's thirsty?"
Ben: "no, mommy's tirty! Ben's two, mommy's tirty!"

Joel: "you have two choices.  You can either walk with me or I can carry you"
Ben: "those aren't Ben's choices,  those are your choices"

Ben was very proud of his first bloody nose. When he told people about it,  he kept forgetting what it was called,  so he'd do his little "uh, uh, uh..." then look at joel or I and say "what's it's name?"

He likes watching dirt bike videos (great...). This was his reaction when I made him turn off the computer. It's a hard life.

We were practicing different emotion faces (happy, mad, thinking,  pirate...)

He was blowing up balls with an air pump. .the football exploded in his lap, cutting up his legs and belly and doing this to his diaper (we took him to the doctor to make sure nothing was damaged)

Ben's Day!

All week, we've been telling Ben that his birthday is on Saturday. Even though it was yesterday, we pretended like it was today so that Joel and I could have the whole day with him to shower him with Birthday Love. We had the perfect day! We decided to keep it low key and just spend the day together doing fun things as a family. When he woke up, Joel and I walked into his room singing happy birthday. Then we came downstairs for pancakes with candles.

After breakfast, we opened a few presents (we planned to spread them throughout the day). Joel and I got him a tball and 2 different baseball bats, which were a hit (no pun intended)! 

We played around for a while then headed to Old McDebbie's Farm. Joel took Ben a few weeks ago, but I had never been. It was so fun! Ben was more interested in all their play toys and the water pump than he was in the animals, but that's ok! 

The farm has a U-Fish pond, so we gave it a try. Ben thought he was supposed to put the pole IN the water, tip down. But, we still managed to get a fish every single time we cast our line. Luckily, the fish almost always got free, otherwise we would have been bringing home a bunch of fish. We ended up bringing two home. Ben wasn't scared of the fish at all! He even watched the lady gut the fish and got to see the heart beat (sorry to any vegetarian friends). 

After the farm, we went out to lunch. He was being so silly. I love that little face! 

 

We came home and Ben went down for a late nap. I finished making his cake and then I took a nice, long nap while Joel went for a run. I can't remember the last time I had a nap!! I felt like I was on vacation! As soon as Ben woke up from nap, we sang happy birthday and enjoyed some cake. He ate some, but we told him we had a special surprise in the garage, so he was happy to ditch the cake. 

Joel and I decided to get Ben a trampoline for his bday. It's a small, child's trampoline. Ben was so excited! It's so cute watching his solid little body jump and fall and bounce. He was all sweaty by the time he was done! After bouncing for a while, we opened a few more presents and had dinner. I made veggie fajitas. I was trying to take a picture of the meal, but I noticed that Ben stole the cheese in the 1 second it took for me to look at the camera :)

We couldn't have asked for a more special day! It was so fun to just focus on Ben and not worry about anything else. We need to make more reasons to have days like this! My soul is happy after so much quality time with my family. 

Benjamin is TWO!

I feel like the post for two years should be extra special...but I don't even know where to start. It's crazy to think that at this time last year, Ben was mastering his walking skills and couldn't say much (not that we could understand anyways).  It blows my mind how much changes in a year!! Let's see...where are we at right now...

 

For starters, we had his 2 year doctor appt. He's 34.2 pounds (90th percentile) and 36 inches tall (above 95th percentile...off the charts).  

 

This boy amazes me every day with how well he can talk and how much he learns every day. Four word sentences are the norm, with the occasional longer sentence and he pronounces most things pretty clearly. Although,  maybe I'm wrong. My mom occasionally sends me videos of Ben saying something for help translating :) The past few days, he's been asking "Why" whenever we tell him not to do something. I need to work on a list of funny things he says.

 

Lately we've been working on alternatives to screaming and shrieking when he wants or doesn't want something. He's been good at saying thank you/please/no thank you for quite a while...but now we're trying to teach him to use those polite words when he's in a frustrating moment. It's so rewarding to see him stop in the middle of a scream and ask nicely!

 

I was talking to a friend at work and she asked me if we were having a theme for Ben's birthday. The answer is no. It got me thinking....there's nothing that Ben is over-the-moon obsessed with. Some kids looove trains or trucks or balls or whatever...we can't think of anything that Ben just can't get enough of. He likes lots of stuff, but there's not one thing that rises above the rest...maybe balls/sports?

 

There's so much about Ben that brings us joy every day. He is the sweetest guy. Most of the time, Ben prefers that Joel do things for him (change his diaper, read him books,  etc). Some days, when I'm feeling extra moody, it kind of hurts my feelings. The other night ben did NOT want me to read his night time stories. I was sad and decided to go down stairs while Joel read (we normally all 3 hang out together). Joel told Ben that I was sad. When I came back up, Ben hugged my legs and looked at me with the most curious face.  He really looked at me to see if he could see what "sad" looked like. I wonder if that's what compassion or empathy look like in early stages?

 

His energy and glee also bring us so much joy. He loves to race around the house in the evening with Joel and I. We chase and tackle and tickle and dance. Joy just pours from his little (big!) Soul. One other thing that we can't get enough of is his hilarious, expressive eyes and faces. He does silly things with his eyes when he's confused or when he's thinking or being silly. He'll look far up or to the side or roll his eyes around. He sometimes does a cheesy grin or an "ooooo" face while moving his eyes around..it's so darn hard to catch on camera! 

 

He's been so happy and full of laughter lately. Today, Ben was laughing hysterically when Joel was pretending that Tucker was tooting. After dinner, he was running around the backyard chasing Emma, laughing and laughing. I could just eat up his real, belly laugh! He's also been more lovey. He's been more willing to get kisses from us and he'll run up and hug us at random times. I LOVE it when he runs up to me at the Taylor's and hugs my legs! I also love seeing him snuggle into Joel's chest when they're reading at night or when Ben is sad.

 

He found my makeup. We came up the stairs to see him putting it IN his eye.

 

 

Pure Glee! He just started loving slides! 

 

My mom took him to the Spring Fair! 

 

Ben decided to show Brenna a good tantrum while she was watching him a few weeks ago. They had just gotten to the park when Ben showed off his tantrum throwing skills (this was the last time he threw a major tantrum and this was more than a month ago!)

 

He got some new goggles :)

 

 

Earlier this week, Ben insisted on taking his golf set to the Taylor's.  This is him and Joel getting ready to head to the Taylor's in the morning. Notice he also has his shades in his hand :)

Another episode of "Ben's daycare adventure"

I just wanted to give a little update on the daycare situation. So far, it's going great!

When I picked Ben up at the Taylor's earlier this week, he was exuding something great. I don't know if I can explain it...it was a mix of confidence, security, glee and just pure "Ben". When i opened the door, he was standing at the top of the stairs when looking down at me and his expression and his body language told me that he felt totally relaxed and was having a great time! It just feels like he is so much more relaxed and soo comfortable.

One other thing we've noticed in the last few weeks. ...Ben's tantrums have been DRASTICALLY REDUCED. We'll probably never know if it's because he's no longer at karen's and whatever was stressing him out there...or if he's just growing up and learning to manage his emotions a little better. Things that normally set off a giant, uncontrollable meltdown have recently only been a small tantrum. He's been able to pull himself back to reality muuuuuch faster and he doesn't go as far into the depths of irrationality...He just takes a little dip into "toddler crazy" instead of diving deeep into that tunnel! It's like we're dealing with a different person.  I'm quite shocked actually (and sooo relieved).

Arizona Vacation

Last week was Joel's Spring Break, so we took a trip to Arizona to see my Grandparents and my Great Grandma. We flew to Vegas on Saturday morning. The flight went great!

After waiting in a looooong line for our rental car, they upgraded us for free to a Toyota Sienna and we were off to drive to my Grandparents' house. As soon as we got to their house, I felt at peace. Being around my grandparents is good for my soul. Ben normally takes a long time to warm up to people, but he warmed right up to them! My Grandpa is interested in rocks, so he had tons of cool rocks around the house. Ben would go through the bowls of rocks and my Grandpa would tell him the names of each rock.

Whenever we go to new places, Ben is MAD about sleeping in new places and he screams for a long time. Well, my Great Grandma was not happy about that. She made a snarky comment about Ben needing "Tender loving care!!". Hope she forgives me! The next day, we took Ben to see a cool old train in town. It was pretty windy, so we didn't stay for long. We also rode on their ATV, saw a snake (and named him Gary the Gopher Snake), played with the remote control tank truck and just played in the dirt. My grandparents live a mile down a dirt road and they are the last house on the sparsly populated road. It's so quiet, peaceful and beautiful there! 

After going to sleep that night, things got exciting! I woke up to hear Ben coughing. I thought it sounded like he threw up, so I got up and checked on him. Oh. No. There was throw up everyyyywhere in his bed. I got Joel out of bed and we tried to clean him up. Ben had never thrown up before in his life, so we wondered if maybe he was just a little too warm or something? Well, the throw up continued through the night. His bed was destroyed, so he slept with us...and threw up on three layers of sheets, towels and blankets. We all three ended up sleeping perpendicular on the bed, which meant Joel and my legs were hanging off the side of the bed. A few hours later, Ben started to get Diarrhea (also a first...). How much more fun could we have?? Ben woke up acting fine, so we let him have some breakfast. We were supposed to be leaving for the Grand Canyon that morning. We hung around my grandparents house for a while, hoping that Ben's stomach would settle down. After a while, the three of us loaded into the car and set off for Grand Canyon. We didn't have any incidents on the drive, but as soon as we got there, Ben got sick again (out both ends...). Uuuuugh. After a quick look at the rim of the canyon, we checked in to our room early. Poor buddy kept getting sick, so I stayed in the hotel with Ben and Joel set out on a run to see a bit of the canyon.

We grabbed dinner from a nearby cafeteria and ate in the hotel room. Ben slept like a ROCK that night and slept for maybe 14 hours. I woke up early the next morning to watch the sunrise over the Grand Canyon while Joel and Ben slept. It was beautiful, but the wind was bitter cold!! I wasn't prepared for the cold!! After the sunrise, I couldn't find where I parked the van. It was dark when I parked and I couldn't even remember which parking lot I was in. I was feeling a little panicked as I ran around in the bitter cold trying to find the van!  (Can you find the dinosaur in the clouds in the 3rd picture below)? 

For the rest of the day, Ben was still feeling under the weather, so Joel and I split up again to see what we could see. He ran again and took some selfies along the way. I carried Ben and we rode the bus to different spots. It was also windy, so Ben just clung to us like a little Koala. 

We drove home that afternoon. 

When we got back, we discovered that my Grandpa had come down with whatever Ben had...and my Great Grandma was terrified of getting sick (not sure she could survive something like that...). Ben had another rough night that night at my Grandparents. We decided to drive to Vegas and get a hotel the night before our flight instead of trying to drive to the airport the morning of our flight. Ben napped in the van on the way to Vegas, so Joel and I took a little drive to see Hoover Dam and the amazing bridge they've recently built. We got a room at the MGM Signature, which was super nice!! We went to Rainforest Cafe for dinner, thinking that Ben would enjoy it...wrong...we were those parents who had the extremely bratty-acting child who didn't appear to be doing anything about it. And it was true. We didn't do anything about it. We were trying to avoid a major meltdown at all costs. A massive tantrum from a sick and very over-tired toddler is not something we wanted to deal with in the middle of a vegas casino...After bath, we managed to get Ben to bed and I got to read for an hour then sleep for nine solid hours. aaaaaaah. That's what I call vacation! 

After a solid nights sleep, Ben woke up happy as a clam. 

He was still pretty crabby at the airport, but we lucked out and got a seat for him on the plane (very last row). Somehow we managed not to have a meltdown on the plane. He was happy to clean his seat over and over and over again with wipes. 

Despite the sickness, we actually had a great vacation. Ben had fun getting to know all my grandparents a little more and I was just happy to be with Ben and Joel for so much time! 

Oh...one funny story about my Grandma Edna...My Grandma is a verrrry open minded, creative, adventurous, creative individual. She's not your typical 94 year old. Anyways, we were all sitting around the table and she asks Joel and I directly if we've ever smoked marijuana ("no, grandma, of course not!"). Well, she has. She just wanted to have a conversation about her experience. She said that she experimented with it when she was young and she described how it hightened all her senses...but she said that she decided she didn't need marijuana because she could already see such beautiful things in the world that she didn't need help from marijuana. Ooooh Grandma, I love her. I wish I could be more like my grandparents (all three of them!). She went on to tell us about the marijuana plant she grew in her house for years simply because it was a beautiful plant. Here she is, soaking up Ben's spirit. This was before he got sick. She wouldn't go near him afterwards :(

No More Karen's

Well, the past two weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind. On Wednesday two weeks ago, Joel picked Ben up at Karen's. She had all of Ben's stuff packed up in a box and informed Joel that that would be Ben's last day at daycare. We.Were.Stunned. She didn't even give us a weekend to try to figure something else out! For the first few hours, I was in shock and was mad mad mad...but we settled down and realized that this was actually for the best. It was kind of a relief knowing for sure that we needed to find someone else to take care of Ben instead of waiting and wondering every day when Karen would tell us that she couldn't take Ben anymore. We knew that the day was coming. Thankfully, I was able to work from home and then Joel had spring Break, so we had a little time to figure something out. This week, Brenna came down and watched Ben for the first part of the week and my mom took him for two days.

After interviewing some nannies and talking to some other in-home places, we have found someone else to watch Ben. Her name is Hillary and she is a stay-at-home mom who homeschools her two daughters (12 and 16 years old). Hillary used to have a licensed, in-home daycare and watched one of my coworkers kids for three years. She no longer has a daycare, but she is happy to take Ben. We've gone over there a few times this week to get Ben used to the new environment. So far, so good! Starting next week, Hillary will watch Ben four days a week and my mom will take one day.

Karen "dumped" us on a Wednesday, which is also the day we had our appointment with Ben's doctor (the appointment she strongly urged us to make). We love our doctor and trust his judgement...he was not concerned about Ben. He thought it was crazy that Karen thought that we should expect Ben to be balanced in all developmental areas at this young age. He also helped make it obvious that Ben's tantrums are worse around Karen and that it probably just wasn't a good fit between Ben and Karen. Karen said that Ben threw intense tantrums at her house all the time...but Joel and I haven't really experienced the kind of tantrums that Karen was seeing. Sure, he throws intense tantrums, but I had only seen ONE last an hour. Karen said the hour long tantrums were a regular occurrence. I just figured that Karen saw them more because Ben was with her during the day....but we came to realize that Ben's tantrums just aren't as extreme around us. Ben has been with family for the past 16 days (Joel, me, Brenna, Grandma) and he hasn't had a single hour-long tantrum. He's had a handful of tantrums that last 20 minutes or so (an intense 20 minutes! Poor Brenna had to deal with one at the park). But, I don't think that's anything out of the ordinary for a toddler. We don't know what made his tantrums worse around her...was it fear of getting bit by Abigail every day? Was it the way she handled (or didn't handle) his tantrums? We loved Karen, but she was intimidated by him and he figured that out. He needs someone who isn't "scared" by him...he needs to know that the adults around him are strong and can handle his emotions.

Joel and I are still hurt by the whole "breakup" with Karen. It makes my heart hurt that Ben won't see his friends or Karen anymore (Besides our neighbor, Natalie). I don't want Ben to get attached to people and then suddenly never see them ever again! That can be traumatic for a kid!  We talked to our neighbors a week later and Karen hadn't even told anyone that Ben wasn't coming anymore...they had no idea! When Ben breaks up with his first girlfriend, we can tell him that he already survived his first breakup years ago!

Anyways, I'm nervous for the transition to start next week. I just picture Ben screaming like a banshee for hours when we leave him there. Hillary is very different from Karen and she's definitely not the type to be intimidated easily. I'm also excited that Hillary's two daughters will be there to play with Ben and help take care of him. Fingers crossed for us next week!!

p.s. Over the past two weeks, Ben still wakes up every morning saying "No Karen's!" and he still talks about Abigail biting him. He says "No Abigail Bite!" and talks about how she got time out and Ben was sad.....so who knows if he was stressed out about getting bit. She used to bite him hard!

Big - guy feelings

I talked to Karen last night for almost 45 minutes. She is VERY concerned about the severity of Ben’s tantrums. We talked and talked and she assured us over and over that she ADORES Ben and thinks he’s the coolest kid, but his severe tantrums disturb the other kids and impact everyone there. When he has an hour of screaming and head banging, the other kids get upset. She is very excited that he has improved on other areas…for example, he isn’t so concerned about controlling the other kids…and he’s not as bossy anymore and his tantrums are way less frequent, but now they are more severe. In January, she kept a tally of his tantrums and one day he had 54. Those were all small…now he has one or two tantrums a day, but they are super intense and often last an hour. They are totally unpredictable and there’s absolutely nothing anyone can do to stop them. She brought up the point that children are evaluated on 4 different areas: Intelligence, Physical, Social and Emotional. Ben’s Intelligence and Physical development are advanced, but maybe his emotional development isn’t as developed.  We want to try to get to more of a balance of the four areas. Although, If his brain isn’t developmentally ready to be more emotionally mature, there’s not much we can do to force it. Anyways, it was great to talk to Karen about this. I know it’s SOOOO hard to deal with. Yesterday I thought she was going to cry when I picked Ben up…he had been throwing a fit for an hour, so she had to have her husband come home from work to help get Ben in his carseat. She acknowledged that since he is so big and so advanced with his language that she expects him to be much older than he really is, so she’s going to try to focus on remembering that he is actually the same age as Abigail. Even though it’s hard to hear that Ben is giving Karen a hard time, I also have overwhelming pride. Ben is so special and I know that these traits are what make him so special. When he’s not throwing the tantrums, he’s SO happy and bright and SO kind and SO thoughtful. He says thank you for everything and observes how Joel and I are feeling. He can identify some of his emotions as well as what Joel and my emotions are (happy, sad, angy). I actually consider Ben an easy kid most of the time....He is usually so happy, easy- going, adaptable and independent. He's a champion sleeper and just SO FUN....it's just these extreme tantrums that are a bit of a challenge.

So, we’re going to set up an appointment with a child psychologist. We absolutely don’t think there’s anything wrong with Ben and honestly, I’m not worried about the severity of Ben’s tantrums. But, Karen is VERY concerned (she said about 20 times yesterday that she is “very concerned about the severity of his tantrums”) and she can’t keep Ben at her house if his tantrums continue to be so severe and disruptive. I struggle with wondering if this is “normal” toddler behavior or not…but Karen continues to say that this is the most severe “toddler” behavior that she’s ever seen. So, we’re just going to talk to someone to see if they have any tips on how to help him deal with his intense emotions. I don’t want to squash Ben’s strong spirit, so I’ll be excited if they can tell us anything to help Ben learn to deal with his big-guy feelings.