Sunday, March 25, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
Obsessed
This week, Lindsay and Adam found out they are having a baby girl. I was over the moon with happiness for them. The day of their ultrasound, I couldn't stop thinking about them and kept smiling at my desk thinking of how I was going to react when I found out what they were having. That evening, they texted us to say it was a girl and sent some pictures. I couldn't stop staring at the pictures and I was SOOO happy! I realized that I loooove my friends' kids and Luke so much... I am pretty obsessed with them. I have a picture of Luke at my desk at work and sometimes I just stare at his sweet face and think about him. Also, everytime Kim or Lindsay post pictures of their kids, I loooove looking at them! This made me wonder....If I am so easily distracted and obsessed with other peoples' kids, how obsessed am I going to be with my own child???!?!?!?! Here are some pics of my Kim and Lindsay's sweet babies (Isaac, Baby girl Smith, and Logan)
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Reflections on becoming a mom
As I drove to work this morning, I was daydreaming about Ben...I was envisioning him as a teenager. In my daydream, he had dark, curly hair...slightly shaggy...similar to the hair Joel had while we were dating (I loved Joel's hair when it was longer!). I automatically imagined his looks to be a nice blend of Joel and I.
But, the looks don't matter. I started to wonder how Ben will view his parents. What will he think about us? Will he have any idea that while I was pregnant with him, I loved to listen to my music too loud (often hip hop/rap) while he wiggled inside (we won't mention that I also played with my blankie in my lap while listening to my rockin tunes). Will he know that his dad and I spent the first portion of our relationship going to parties and sharing a twin size dorm bed? I certainly don't plan on telling him THOSE details or about some of the other slightly naughty things I did in college.
It just made me think of the relationship between kids and parents...There is a whole part of a parent's life that the kid has nooo idea about. No matter now regretful or how many mistakes the parents have made, those experiences help make them into the wonderful (hopefully) parents they are! (P.S. I don't mean to imply that I regret anything I did in college. I absolutely do not and would do almost all of it all over again!)
While I don't plan to brag to Ben about the things I did, I guess the thing I want him to know is that we had fun and took chances and enjoyed our time. If he does hear stories about our college or see pictures of the fun we had, I don't want him to be completely surpised that we used to be so much fun! I don't want these two pictures to shock him. I don't want him to be surpised that his parents would have EVER been so much fun!
I want that to be something that he just knows about Joel and I in general...but, um, in order for him to innately know that about us, that means I need to live my life like that. Currently, I absolutely do not feel like I live that way! Joel does a little more than me...but we can both put a little more effort into consiously living a little more freely and fun :)
I am so excited to welcome Ben into this world. No matter what he looks like or what his personality turns out to be, I am excited to exercise my creativity with him and learn again how to have fun and enjoy the moment.
But, the looks don't matter. I started to wonder how Ben will view his parents. What will he think about us? Will he have any idea that while I was pregnant with him, I loved to listen to my music too loud (often hip hop/rap) while he wiggled inside (we won't mention that I also played with my blankie in my lap while listening to my rockin tunes). Will he know that his dad and I spent the first portion of our relationship going to parties and sharing a twin size dorm bed? I certainly don't plan on telling him THOSE details or about some of the other slightly naughty things I did in college.
It just made me think of the relationship between kids and parents...There is a whole part of a parent's life that the kid has nooo idea about. No matter now regretful or how many mistakes the parents have made, those experiences help make them into the wonderful (hopefully) parents they are! (P.S. I don't mean to imply that I regret anything I did in college. I absolutely do not and would do almost all of it all over again!)
While I don't plan to brag to Ben about the things I did, I guess the thing I want him to know is that we had fun and took chances and enjoyed our time. If he does hear stories about our college or see pictures of the fun we had, I don't want him to be completely surpised that we used to be so much fun! I don't want these two pictures to shock him. I don't want him to be surpised that his parents would have EVER been so much fun!
I am so excited to welcome Ben into this world. No matter what he looks like or what his personality turns out to be, I am excited to exercise my creativity with him and learn again how to have fun and enjoy the moment.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Ben's room
My mom is amazing. She is doing all the bedding for Ben's room. I told her I wanted a jungle theme and sent her a general idea of the colors I wanted. Here is a picture of Ben's quilt in process. I LOVE IT!! She hand-designed the animals and is using lots of different textures to make the blankie interesting for Ben. The brown thing on the right is a trunk of a palm tree...leaves still to come. My mom always exceeds my expectations with everything she makes. I hesitate to give her any suggestions or ideas because I know her ideas are so much better than mine!!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Baby update
It's been more than two months since I posted about the baby, so here's a quick update. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and feeling pretty great! My crazy emotions are gone for the most part and my sickness has gone away completely. The only complaint I have now is that my lower back and hips/pelvis are sore and can't stand much walking...or sitting...or laying down! But, it's really not that bad. Today I took a bath in our new bathtub (we moved into our new house last weekend), and it felt so nice to let myself float and relax in the water!
I have gained some weight, but I don't feel like I've gained an enourmous amount. I am scared to be in front of a camera, but I really should take a few "belly" pictures for documentation of this whole thing! I don't notice any of the things I hear about like beautiful nails and thicker hair. I also don't have any cravings, other than my normal pizza and nachos...but I can't blame that on pregnancy!
At our 20 week ultrasound, Ben was measuring in the 99th percentile. My midwife used the word "huge" to describe him. They tested me for Gestational Diabetes (negative) and reviewed my two earlier ultrasounds to confirm that the due date wasn't off (it wasn't). So, they had me come back this week for another ultrasound to see how he was sizing up. Well, baby Ben is still a big boy! The ultrasound tech estimated his weight to be about 4.5 pounds, while the normal size for a baby at that age is almost 3 pounds! I was a little startled to hear that, but I'm feeling better now.
Now that we are settled into the new house, I am excited to start preparing for Ben's arrival! Joel painted his room a nice light green color and my mom has started on his bedding (Jungle theme). I can't wait till it's all put together!
That's all for now! Just wanted to jot down a few things for memory!
For some reason, I'm bothered when I tell people about Ben's size and they brush it off saying "oh, your due date is probably wrong" or "oh, he'll fine". I'm not overly concernced about his size, but I do worry a little bit that a big baby could cause additional birth complicatons. I just want to feel validated when it comes to my concerns with him...especially from people I'm somewhat close to.
I have gained some weight, but I don't feel like I've gained an enourmous amount. I am scared to be in front of a camera, but I really should take a few "belly" pictures for documentation of this whole thing! I don't notice any of the things I hear about like beautiful nails and thicker hair. I also don't have any cravings, other than my normal pizza and nachos...but I can't blame that on pregnancy!
At our 20 week ultrasound, Ben was measuring in the 99th percentile. My midwife used the word "huge" to describe him. They tested me for Gestational Diabetes (negative) and reviewed my two earlier ultrasounds to confirm that the due date wasn't off (it wasn't). So, they had me come back this week for another ultrasound to see how he was sizing up. Well, baby Ben is still a big boy! The ultrasound tech estimated his weight to be about 4.5 pounds, while the normal size for a baby at that age is almost 3 pounds! I was a little startled to hear that, but I'm feeling better now.
Now that we are settled into the new house, I am excited to start preparing for Ben's arrival! Joel painted his room a nice light green color and my mom has started on his bedding (Jungle theme). I can't wait till it's all put together!
That's all for now! Just wanted to jot down a few things for memory!
For some reason, I'm bothered when I tell people about Ben's size and they brush it off saying "oh, your due date is probably wrong" or "oh, he'll fine". I'm not overly concernced about his size, but I do worry a little bit that a big baby could cause additional birth complicatons. I just want to feel validated when it comes to my concerns with him...especially from people I'm somewhat close to.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Hello Baby!
I am 20 weeks this week. Officially halfway done with this pregnancy! The past few weeks have been gloomy, but I am starting to feel much better. I haven't gotten sick in about a week and my emotions seem to be MUCH more stable. So, on that note, I wanted to jot down a few happy things I have experienced this week with the baby.
For starters, I have started to feel excited about the baby. My mind is no longer completely consumed with anxiety, so I can focus on the little thing inside me :) Up until now, I haven't really felt pregnant (mentally). But now, it's actually starting to sink in and I feel pregnant, both physicall and mentally! It's such an amazing feeling! I can't describe it. I am starting to feel a connection with the baby and I feel love and protection towards it.
I have started talking to the baby when it moves around inside me....and I try to sing to it in the car. It's funny...I always thought I knew the lyrics to songs, but now that I'm TRYING to sing along, it's hard!! I can't even fully sing along to any of the Christmas songs! So, today I went through my ipod to find songs I knew. It included MmmmBop (Hansen), some Christian tunes, and Sound of Music. This baby will have well-rounded musical tastes :)
Last night, I felt the baby moving around, so I had Joel put his hand on my belly and he was able to feel it kick!! He was pretty freaked out about it, but he also thought it was really special(I think there might have been a few tears in his eyes). I find myself sitting in meetings smiling because I feel the baby flip flopping around. The movements are pretty faint most of the time, but sometimes it's CLEAR that there's something swimming around! Other times, it could easily be mistaken as my intestines chugging along.
This weekend, we had lots of fun. On Friday, we went to a Christmas Party for Joel's work. Those teachers are always pretty goofy, so that was fun. On Saturday, I was able to enjoy Christmas shopping and cooking, then we had a "Friends Christmas" with the Smiths and the Baileys (The Dahlhausers were sick). We had a really great time with them. For some reason, there was something extra fun and special about this weekend. And did I mention Kim and Lindsay are pregnant? Kim is due in a few weeks and Lindsay is due 12 weeks after me. On Sunday, we went to Everett to celebrate sweet Luke's 2nd birthday. It was nice to have such a fun, enjoyable weekend with so many people we care about.
One last update. Last night I had my first counseling appointment. It was pretty good. I realize that counseling takes time to make a difference, but she was able to give me a few simple tools that can help me relax when I'm having an anxiety attack. She also explained something that makes a lot of sense...she said that the logical half of my brain gets LOTS of action...I'm a very logical person, and my work is very logical. The creative side of my brain doesn't get used often AT ALL. As a result, the creative side tries to exercise itself by making up stories...and unfortunately, those stories cause LOTS of anxiety and fear! So, the tips she gave me involved ways to exercise both sides of my brain. I took it a step further last night and colored in a coloring book last night. I even used unconventional colors to color certain things to try to exercise the creative side of my brain. I'm excited to go back and we what else we discover. She's going to try hypnotizing me! Sounds interesting!
We find out on Thursday whether this little thumper is a girl or a boy!! I can now honestly say that I'm so excited!!
For starters, I have started to feel excited about the baby. My mind is no longer completely consumed with anxiety, so I can focus on the little thing inside me :) Up until now, I haven't really felt pregnant (mentally). But now, it's actually starting to sink in and I feel pregnant, both physicall and mentally! It's such an amazing feeling! I can't describe it. I am starting to feel a connection with the baby and I feel love and protection towards it.
I have started talking to the baby when it moves around inside me....and I try to sing to it in the car. It's funny...I always thought I knew the lyrics to songs, but now that I'm TRYING to sing along, it's hard!! I can't even fully sing along to any of the Christmas songs! So, today I went through my ipod to find songs I knew. It included MmmmBop (Hansen), some Christian tunes, and Sound of Music. This baby will have well-rounded musical tastes :)
Last night, I felt the baby moving around, so I had Joel put his hand on my belly and he was able to feel it kick!! He was pretty freaked out about it, but he also thought it was really special(I think there might have been a few tears in his eyes). I find myself sitting in meetings smiling because I feel the baby flip flopping around. The movements are pretty faint most of the time, but sometimes it's CLEAR that there's something swimming around! Other times, it could easily be mistaken as my intestines chugging along.
This weekend, we had lots of fun. On Friday, we went to a Christmas Party for Joel's work. Those teachers are always pretty goofy, so that was fun. On Saturday, I was able to enjoy Christmas shopping and cooking, then we had a "Friends Christmas" with the Smiths and the Baileys (The Dahlhausers were sick). We had a really great time with them. For some reason, there was something extra fun and special about this weekend. And did I mention Kim and Lindsay are pregnant? Kim is due in a few weeks and Lindsay is due 12 weeks after me. On Sunday, we went to Everett to celebrate sweet Luke's 2nd birthday. It was nice to have such a fun, enjoyable weekend with so many people we care about.
One last update. Last night I had my first counseling appointment. It was pretty good. I realize that counseling takes time to make a difference, but she was able to give me a few simple tools that can help me relax when I'm having an anxiety attack. She also explained something that makes a lot of sense...she said that the logical half of my brain gets LOTS of action...I'm a very logical person, and my work is very logical. The creative side of my brain doesn't get used often AT ALL. As a result, the creative side tries to exercise itself by making up stories...and unfortunately, those stories cause LOTS of anxiety and fear! So, the tips she gave me involved ways to exercise both sides of my brain. I took it a step further last night and colored in a coloring book last night. I even used unconventional colors to color certain things to try to exercise the creative side of my brain. I'm excited to go back and we what else we discover. She's going to try hypnotizing me! Sounds interesting!
We find out on Thursday whether this little thumper is a girl or a boy!! I can now honestly say that I'm so excited!!
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