Reflections on becoming a mom

As I drove to work this morning, I was daydreaming about Ben...I was envisioning him as a teenager. In my daydream, he had dark, curly hair...slightly shaggy...similar to the hair Joel had while we were dating (I loved Joel's hair when it was longer!). I automatically imagined his looks to be a nice blend of Joel and I.

But, the looks don't matter. I started to wonder how Ben will view his parents. What will he think about us? Will he have any idea that while I was pregnant with him, I loved to listen to my music too loud (often hip hop/rap) while he wiggled inside (we won't mention that I also played with my blankie in my lap while listening to my rockin tunes). Will he know that his dad and I spent the first portion of our relationship going to parties and sharing a twin size dorm bed? I certainly don't plan on telling him THOSE details or about some of the other slightly naughty things I did in college.
It just made me think of the relationship between kids and parents...There is a whole part of a parent's life that the kid has nooo idea about. No matter now regretful or how many mistakes the parents have made, those experiences help make them into the wonderful (hopefully) parents they are! (P.S. I don't mean to imply that I regret anything I did in college. I absolutely do not and would do almost all of it all over again!)

While I don't plan to brag to Ben about the things I did, I guess the thing I want him to know is that we had fun and took chances and enjoyed our time. If he does hear stories about our college or see pictures of the fun we had, I don't want him to be completely surpised that we used to be so much fun! I don't want these two pictures to shock him. I don't want him to be surpised that his parents would have EVER been so much fun!

 I want that to be something that he just knows about Joel and I in general...but, um, in order for him to innately know that about us, that means I need to live my life like that. Currently, I absolutely do not feel like I live that way! Joel does a little more than me...but we can both put a little more effort into consiously living a little more freely and fun :)

I am so excited to welcome Ben into this world. No matter what he looks like or what his personality turns out to be, I am excited to exercise my creativity with him and learn again how to have fun and enjoy the moment.