Hello Baby!

I am 20 weeks this week. Officially halfway done with this pregnancy! The past few weeks have been gloomy, but I am starting to feel much better. I haven't gotten sick in about a week and my emotions seem to be MUCH more stable. So, on that note, I wanted to jot down a few happy things I have experienced this week with the baby.
For starters, I have started to feel excited about the baby. My mind is no longer completely consumed with anxiety, so I can focus on the little thing inside me :) Up until now, I haven't really felt pregnant (mentally). But now, it's actually starting to sink in and I feel pregnant, both physicall and mentally! It's such an amazing feeling! I can't describe it. I am starting to feel a connection with the baby and I feel love and protection towards it.

I have started talking to the baby when it moves around inside me....and I try to sing to it in the car. It's funny...I always thought I knew the lyrics to songs, but now that I'm TRYING to sing along, it's hard!! I can't even fully sing along to any of the Christmas songs! So, today I went through my ipod to find songs I knew. It included MmmmBop (Hansen), some Christian tunes, and Sound of Music. This baby will have well-rounded musical tastes :)

Last night, I felt the baby moving around, so I had Joel put his hand on my belly and he was able to feel it kick!! He was pretty freaked out about it, but he also thought it was really special(I think there might have been a few tears in his eyes). I find myself sitting in meetings smiling because I feel the baby flip flopping around. The movements are pretty faint most of the time, but sometimes it's CLEAR that there's something swimming around! Other times, it could easily be mistaken as my intestines chugging along.

This weekend, we had lots of fun. On Friday, we went to a Christmas Party for Joel's work. Those teachers are always pretty goofy, so that was fun. On Saturday, I was able to enjoy Christmas shopping and cooking, then we had a "Friends Christmas" with the Smiths and the Baileys (The Dahlhausers were sick). We had a really great time with them. For some reason, there was something extra fun and special about this weekend. And did I mention Kim and Lindsay are pregnant? Kim is due in a few weeks and Lindsay is due 12 weeks after me. On Sunday, we went to Everett to celebrate sweet Luke's 2nd birthday. It was nice to have such a fun, enjoyable weekend with so many people we care about.

One last update. Last night I had my first counseling appointment. It was pretty good. I realize that counseling takes time to make a difference, but she was able to give me a few simple tools that can help me relax when I'm having an anxiety attack. She also explained something that makes a lot of sense...she said that the logical half of my brain gets LOTS of action...I'm a very logical person, and my work is very logical. The creative side of my brain doesn't get used often AT ALL. As a result, the creative side tries to exercise itself by making up stories...and unfortunately, those stories cause LOTS of anxiety and fear! So, the tips she gave me involved ways to exercise both sides of my brain. I took it a step further last night and colored in a coloring book last night. I even used unconventional colors to color certain things to try to exercise the creative side of my brain. I'm excited to go back and we what else we discover. She's going to try hypnotizing me! Sounds interesting!

We find out on Thursday whether this little thumper is a girl or a boy!! I can now honestly say that I'm so excited!!