Monday, December 14, 2015
Ben's fears
Poor Ben. We've had a marvel superhero book at our house for a few weeks and it has caused lots of anxiety for Ben. Right now, Joel and Ben are taking a late night trip to the library just to take the book back and get it out of our house. Ben has cried several of the last few nights because he's scared of the monsters in the book. He even slept in our bed for the first time since he was a little baby!! He knows monsters aren't real but he's still very scared of the monsters in this book. He says the monsters don't scare him during the day, only at night. He's constantly talking about monsters and fighting monsters and talking about what monsters like to do and who they like and on and on and on (not just about the monsters in the book). Same with bad guys. He talks all day long about bad guys. At night his talks are a little more fearful. Lately when he talks about his fears at night, his little lip quivers and he tries not to cry....but a lot of times he ends up crying. This evening we were hanging out downstairs and he came up to me with a quivery lip and told me he was feeling "thumbs down". I don't know where he learned that. So we sat down and talked about his fears and then watched some funny animal videos to get his mind on something else. Right before they left for the library, he was crying and said it was because he had some sugar in him....so he wanted to eat a cheese stick to fight the sugar! He broke my heart with his sad, brave face that lit up and started laughing through the tears when I suggested more funny animal videos. Hes sooo big but still soooo little and sweet!!! My heart feels for him sooo much. I think his brain is doing what my brain has done my whole life. Gosh darn over-active imagination!!! I so so so hope I can help him deal with his fears!!
Thursday, December 3, 2015
Ben update - November 2015
There have been a few things the last few weeks that I wanted to record about Ben. For starters, I'm LOVING the bond that is strengthening between us now that I'm home more. He has such a tender heart and he loves his mama's love. He tells me many times throughout the day that he loves me and I get lots of random hugs and kisses. The other night, I was putting Elaina to bed for the normal 2 hours and he was crying and crying because he missed me (he was over tired, but it was still sweet). For most of his life, Ben has kind of preferred Joel, so it's kiiiind of a nice treat to be the preferred parents for once!
I can't explain how much love and curiosity this boy has in his heart. On December 1, we started our advent calendar that takes us through the story of Jesus' birth. On the first night, we talked about the angel that told Mary that she would give birth to Jesus. We talked about how we don't get messages from angels, but that God sometimes talks to us in our hearts. Ben had so many questions. He wanted to know how God eats and poops. We said God doesn't have a body so he doesn't need to do those things....but then Ben wanted to know how God can do so much stuff if he doesn't have hands. He had other good questions, but I can't remember them all. Somehow we got to talking about being thankful and a few other things. At one point, Ben said he had happy tears of love. Over the last several weeks, Joel and Ben read a section each day out of Ben's Christmas Bible Stories book. He learned lessons about how God wants us to love everyone. On Thanksgiving day when everyone was here, I overheard Ben say a few times that he loves everyone in the world. GAH! And one more thing...the other day he randomly just folded his hands, closed his eyes, and said ""dear Jesus, please make more Dinos. Just small Dinos, not big Dinos" and then he went back to eating his cereal.
Also lately, Ben has really been into "what if" scenarios. For example, Joel mentioned to him that he needs to leave his shoes on in the car, just in case we need to get out in a hurry. After that, Ben kept talking to me about "what if".
B- What if we need help?
J- Well, we'll use our phones to call someone to help us.
B- But what if our phones are dead?
J- We'll get out and go ask someone to help us.
B- What if we can't open our car doors?
J- We'll turn our emergency flashers on to let other cars know we need help
B- What if they can't open our doors either?
J - Well, the police have special tools that can cut our car open
It went on and on. He does this with other things too! We were at the sporting goods store and he saw a bunch of guns for sale, so he had a gazillion questions about how they sell guns and keep them away from the bad guys. I really hope this isn't the start of serious anxiety! Last night he was crying before bed because he was scared that the floor was going to open up and suck the house into a hole.....yikes. Poor kid.
I can't explain how much love and curiosity this boy has in his heart. On December 1, we started our advent calendar that takes us through the story of Jesus' birth. On the first night, we talked about the angel that told Mary that she would give birth to Jesus. We talked about how we don't get messages from angels, but that God sometimes talks to us in our hearts. Ben had so many questions. He wanted to know how God eats and poops. We said God doesn't have a body so he doesn't need to do those things....but then Ben wanted to know how God can do so much stuff if he doesn't have hands. He had other good questions, but I can't remember them all. Somehow we got to talking about being thankful and a few other things. At one point, Ben said he had happy tears of love. Over the last several weeks, Joel and Ben read a section each day out of Ben's Christmas Bible Stories book. He learned lessons about how God wants us to love everyone. On Thanksgiving day when everyone was here, I overheard Ben say a few times that he loves everyone in the world. GAH! And one more thing...the other day he randomly just folded his hands, closed his eyes, and said ""dear Jesus, please make more Dinos. Just small Dinos, not big Dinos" and then he went back to eating his cereal.
Also lately, Ben has really been into "what if" scenarios. For example, Joel mentioned to him that he needs to leave his shoes on in the car, just in case we need to get out in a hurry. After that, Ben kept talking to me about "what if".
B- What if we need help?
J- Well, we'll use our phones to call someone to help us.
B- But what if our phones are dead?
J- We'll get out and go ask someone to help us.
B- What if we can't open our car doors?
J- We'll turn our emergency flashers on to let other cars know we need help
B- What if they can't open our doors either?
J - Well, the police have special tools that can cut our car open
It went on and on. He does this with other things too! We were at the sporting goods store and he saw a bunch of guns for sale, so he had a gazillion questions about how they sell guns and keep them away from the bad guys. I really hope this isn't the start of serious anxiety! Last night he was crying before bed because he was scared that the floor was going to open up and suck the house into a hole.....yikes. Poor kid.
The picture below is Ben writing his Christmas list :)
Sometimes Ben seems so, so, so grown up. For some reason, his head seems huge (not in a bad way...just in a grown up way) and that makes me feel like he's all grown up. But then when that sweet head is sleeping or crying or giving me sweet kisses, I see his sweet innocence. He is SUCH a good boy. Lately, he's been yelling at Emma in an angry voice that's not acceptable. The other day, I told him if he yelled like that again, he would get a time out. Well, a few days later, he yelled at her and then said "Mom, do I need to go to time out? You said I did". Well, he was in the middle of doing a good job of eating dinner and I didn't want to interrupt that, so I didn't put him in time out. On the rare occasions that he gets a time out, he goes easily to timeout and sits quietly until the timer goes off. Even when the time is up, he usually chooses to sit longer. It's really hard to punish him! Anything punishment is happily accepted and he has a happy response to how he'll deal with the punishment. If we try to take something away, he happily says that it's ok because he has other toys or that he'll get it back in "50 days" or whatever. He does get really sad if he clearly upsets me or someone else. He whacked my dad in the face on Thanksgiving so he got in a bit of trouble for that and he was clearly upset that my dad and Joel got a little stern with him.
Sometimes Ben seems so, so, so grown up. For some reason, his head seems huge (not in a bad way...just in a grown up way) and that makes me feel like he's all grown up. But then when that sweet head is sleeping or crying or giving me sweet kisses, I see his sweet innocence. He is SUCH a good boy. Lately, he's been yelling at Emma in an angry voice that's not acceptable. The other day, I told him if he yelled like that again, he would get a time out. Well, a few days later, he yelled at her and then said "Mom, do I need to go to time out? You said I did". Well, he was in the middle of doing a good job of eating dinner and I didn't want to interrupt that, so I didn't put him in time out. On the rare occasions that he gets a time out, he goes easily to timeout and sits quietly until the timer goes off. Even when the time is up, he usually chooses to sit longer. It's really hard to punish him! Anything punishment is happily accepted and he has a happy response to how he'll deal with the punishment. If we try to take something away, he happily says that it's ok because he has other toys or that he'll get it back in "50 days" or whatever. He does get really sad if he clearly upsets me or someone else. He whacked my dad in the face on Thanksgiving so he got in a bit of trouble for that and he was clearly upset that my dad and Joel got a little stern with him.
He had something on his finger and was innocently trying to show us. Hahahahaha
When I tell him not to do something, he always wants a detailed explanation of why not. If I tell him it's because I don't want him to break something, he happily tries to figure out how we would fix it IF we broke it. ANYTHING I say not to do, we have a big conversation about it. It kind of drives me crazy. Sometimes I don't have a good reason for not wanting him to do something. Lots of times he asks how I would feel if something broke. He really doesn't like making me sad. He broke my nutcracker after I told him many many times to be gentle. When it broke, I instantly saw him searching my face for my emotion and anticipating my reaction. He's so fascinating to observe!!
Anyways, I'm sure loving all this extra time with him. He's only going to the Taylor's a few more times and then him and I will have even more time together! He's exhausting and sometimes my brain wants to shut down and not listen to anymore questions....but I sure do love him!!!
When I tell him not to do something, he always wants a detailed explanation of why not. If I tell him it's because I don't want him to break something, he happily tries to figure out how we would fix it IF we broke it. ANYTHING I say not to do, we have a big conversation about it. It kind of drives me crazy. Sometimes I don't have a good reason for not wanting him to do something. Lots of times he asks how I would feel if something broke. He really doesn't like making me sad. He broke my nutcracker after I told him many many times to be gentle. When it broke, I instantly saw him searching my face for my emotion and anticipating my reaction. He's so fascinating to observe!!
Anyways, I'm sure loving all this extra time with him. He's only going to the Taylor's a few more times and then him and I will have even more time together! He's exhausting and sometimes my brain wants to shut down and not listen to anymore questions....but I sure do love him!!!
Elaina - Three Months
What a joy the last few weeks have been with our sweet girl! For starters, sleep has gotten drastically better. I read a website that convinced me to try putting her in a swing. That was the trick. Right away, she started putting herself to sleep in the swing and her naps have gotten much longer. YAY! She doesn't sleep in the swing at night (she sleeps in the little rocker by my bed). At night for the last two weeks or so, she has just woken up once or twice per night. I know that can change as she goes through growth spurts or whatever, so I'm happy to enjoy these nice nights while they last! I still hold her and nurse her for 1.5-2 hours each night before bed....that's the next thing we need to work on.
Thanksgiving was last week and we had a full house! The Faulkners and Erika stayed two nights and then we had my entire family here on Thanksgiving day. Since I was busy with family and Joel was home, I spent much less one-on-one time with Elaina and I actually missed her!! She has such a sweet spirit. She's pretty easy going and quiet and very peaceful. She lets us know when she doesn't like something (tummy time...), but she doesn't get really wound up or intense about too much. She really likes it when I sing to her. It's a pretty sure bet that she'll start cooing if I sing to her.
The past few days, she has been opening her hands a little more instead of keeping them clenched in a fist, so we get to see her thumbs. You would think that Joel and I had never seen thumbs before!! We just gush over those sweet little thumbs!! Her fingers are so long and her thumbs are no exception!
A few memories I wrote down over the last few weeks:
She's always swaddled when she sleeps, but one morning I unswaddled her thinking she was ready to wake up. But, she fell back asleep on my chest. While I was nursing, she had one sweet little hand resting on the top of her head. Then, as I was holding her, she kept doing the adorable newborn, sleepy stretch.
What is so magical about my chest that makes Elaina sleepy? Some mornings it seems like she'll sleep forever on my chest! I sure love snuggles with my girl!
I don't want to forget to mention her angel kisses. She has one on the back of her neck and one on her eyelid. The one on her eyelid is darker on some days. I'm not sure what makes it darker. The angel kiss on the back of her neck reminds me of Erika's angel kiss :)
On November 21, she laughed for the first time. I had been talking about how baggy her pants were around her skinny waist. I happened to tickle her while I said "skinny skinny skinny" and she laughed!! Gah!! Since then, she's laughed some more, but its a rare treat. She tends to laugh when she's really tired, so they quickly turn to cries.
Watching her grow and develop is so fun! Lately she's been more intentional with grabbing things. She has no interest in trying to roll over in either direction. She is NOT a fan of tummy time. But She will quietly lay on her back on her floor gym, batting and grabbing her toys. I swear I could leave her there for 45 minutes if I wanted to. She definitely doesn't demand our attention very much. She likes interacting with us and gives us gigantic smiles when we talk to her or play with her, but she's also usually perfectly fine hanging out by herself.
As for me, I'm feeling great. Being away from work is fantastic, to say the least. I feel like a much better wife and mom without the stress and pressure from work and the relationships with people there. I've been working out a little and trying to take good care of myself. I'm paying attention to my diet to ensure that I get enough vitamins and nutrients to maintain my emotional health. At night, I like to use essential oils and listen to a meditation on yogaglo. During nap times, I try to do some exercise on the treadmill, drink tea and have quiet time. I feel really good. Winter isn't normally my best time emotionally, but this year so far is the best winter I've had in years.
Thanksgiving was last week and we had a full house! The Faulkners and Erika stayed two nights and then we had my entire family here on Thanksgiving day. Since I was busy with family and Joel was home, I spent much less one-on-one time with Elaina and I actually missed her!! She has such a sweet spirit. She's pretty easy going and quiet and very peaceful. She lets us know when she doesn't like something (tummy time...), but she doesn't get really wound up or intense about too much. She really likes it when I sing to her. It's a pretty sure bet that she'll start cooing if I sing to her.
The past few days, she has been opening her hands a little more instead of keeping them clenched in a fist, so we get to see her thumbs. You would think that Joel and I had never seen thumbs before!! We just gush over those sweet little thumbs!! Her fingers are so long and her thumbs are no exception!
A few memories I wrote down over the last few weeks:
She's always swaddled when she sleeps, but one morning I unswaddled her thinking she was ready to wake up. But, she fell back asleep on my chest. While I was nursing, she had one sweet little hand resting on the top of her head. Then, as I was holding her, she kept doing the adorable newborn, sleepy stretch.
What is so magical about my chest that makes Elaina sleepy? Some mornings it seems like she'll sleep forever on my chest! I sure love snuggles with my girl!
I don't want to forget to mention her angel kisses. She has one on the back of her neck and one on her eyelid. The one on her eyelid is darker on some days. I'm not sure what makes it darker. The angel kiss on the back of her neck reminds me of Erika's angel kiss :)
On November 21, she laughed for the first time. I had been talking about how baggy her pants were around her skinny waist. I happened to tickle her while I said "skinny skinny skinny" and she laughed!! Gah!! Since then, she's laughed some more, but its a rare treat. She tends to laugh when she's really tired, so they quickly turn to cries.
Watching her grow and develop is so fun! Lately she's been more intentional with grabbing things. She has no interest in trying to roll over in either direction. She is NOT a fan of tummy time. But She will quietly lay on her back on her floor gym, batting and grabbing her toys. I swear I could leave her there for 45 minutes if I wanted to. She definitely doesn't demand our attention very much. She likes interacting with us and gives us gigantic smiles when we talk to her or play with her, but she's also usually perfectly fine hanging out by herself.
As for me, I'm feeling great. Being away from work is fantastic, to say the least. I feel like a much better wife and mom without the stress and pressure from work and the relationships with people there. I've been working out a little and trying to take good care of myself. I'm paying attention to my diet to ensure that I get enough vitamins and nutrients to maintain my emotional health. At night, I like to use essential oils and listen to a meditation on yogaglo. During nap times, I try to do some exercise on the treadmill, drink tea and have quiet time. I feel really good. Winter isn't normally my best time emotionally, but this year so far is the best winter I've had in years.
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Love
Yesterday evening, Ben got bonked and he cried (he rarely cries any more). I snuggled him and he continued to wail and wail. It was a really sad cry with real big tears. I kept snuggling him. He continued to cry for a good 15 minutes. Joel snuggled him for a while, too. It was obvious Ben just needed some good love. It wasn't the owie that was making him cry anymore. Finally, he sat up and gently said that he thought he had gotten all the emotion out now and the only emotion left in him was love. I love his heart!!!!!!!! Here are some pictures from the crying episode
Elaina 2 months
11 lbs, 9 oz. 24 inches.
I would say Elaina is an average newborn. She's not the most difficult, but she's not the easiest baby I've ever heard of (*cough*...Eli, Owen...*cough*). Her crying is pretty predictable...tired, hungry or needs a change of scenery. The biggest challenge is still her sleep. We carry her until she falls asleep and then she usually sleeps for 30-45 minutes. Depending on what's going on, sometimes we'll try to put her back to sleep for a longer nap. But in the afternoons and evenings she needs to be held for her whole naps. At bedtime, I sit in our room with her for 1-2 hours, nursing her and holding her before she's asleep for the night. This works fine when Joel is home and able to put ben to bed...but It makes me sad that I don't get to help Ben with bedtime and its rough when Joel has evening meetings. I feel like I'm chained down by her sleep. She's still only awake for an hour between each nap. After feeding her and changing her, it doesn't leave me any time to get out of the house to di anything. I'm constantly waiting for her to either wake up or for the hour to be up until I have to put her to sleep again. As much as i loooove tiny newborn sweetness, I cannot wait to have a little bit of a break!!!
She has started to hate her car seat a little bit less. She doesn't scream bloody murder for every car ride any more, although we still have lots of crying.
This weekend i took both kids up to Kirkland to see Aimee and Alicia. Alicia's baby girl, Ella, is only four weeks younger than Elaina. I was so nervous of how Elaina would do. She screamed the entire hour drive on the way up, but then she slept soundly in the ergo for our visit. Seeing Aimee and Alicia was just what I needed. I was feeling a little down with the recent gray weather and lack of human interaction! My visit with them perked me right up.
As for Elaina's skills...I've noticed she's tried to grab her toys several times. And she was reaching for Ben's face this morning. She likes watching me roll a soccer ball around. I was singing to her yesterday and that really made her coo. Also, I had her do tummy time on a cushion. My back was turned and she rolled over and fell off the cushion. Oops! She was notttt happy about that. I'm excited for the upcoming weeks when she will start to develop more skills and be even more social! Like i said in the beginning...she's just so sweet!!
I love all her facial expressions!
And lastly, I loooove nursing her and wearing her
Monday, October 26, 2015
Ben - 3.5 Years!
Our little buddy is Three and a half! He sure is an amazing son!
For the record, we don't have tantrums anymore. I want to say it's been at least six months since we've had a real tantrum or fit, maybe longer (or maybe I'm delusional and we've had one more recently)? The worst we get is whining or being slow to listen. The most challenging thing to deal with is his high energy level and constant questions/talking! It wears me out! It's hard to stay focused on what he's saying all.the.time. He's such a good boy. When he does something on accident, he asks questions to find out if he'll be in trouble for it and he always feels bad for accidents. The other day he broke a vase while I was at the grocery store. He asked Joel if he could call me and he told me all about it and explained that when you break something of someone's, it's good to tell them about it. I love hearing his explanations for things. It shows what he's learning and what's going on inside his head!! I love it! Another example is from a few weeks ago...Kyler was over and they kind of pulled the trampoline net apart and threw rice from the rice bin all over the place. I don't know who was the instigator, but they both got in trouble. After Kyler left, I told Ben it was his responsibility to make sure Kyler was following the rules as well. A week later, we had Kyler over again. I had forgotten about the incident. But, before Kyler came over, Ben told me that he would make sure that Kyler knew the rules and that they wouldn't break the trampoline or throw rice. It made me so happy to know that the lesson stayed in Ben's mind!
He has such a big heart. The other day I got mad at him for not listening and he melted into a puddle of sad tears. Oh man, that broke my heart but I'm also secretly glad it upset him. It means I have some power! Heh. He loves his sister so much. Although, when she's screaming in the car, he gets a little irritated and tells her in an irritated voice to "stop crying, baby sister!". He calls her either baby sister, Elaina Jane or little bug. I love the way he says "lil bug" in his affectionate voice! He came up with that nickname on his own. He doesn't call her Elaina. When he tells other people her name, it's always "Elaina Jane". I love it!
For the record, we don't have tantrums anymore. I want to say it's been at least six months since we've had a real tantrum or fit, maybe longer (or maybe I'm delusional and we've had one more recently)? The worst we get is whining or being slow to listen. The most challenging thing to deal with is his high energy level and constant questions/talking! It wears me out! It's hard to stay focused on what he's saying all.the.time. He's such a good boy. When he does something on accident, he asks questions to find out if he'll be in trouble for it and he always feels bad for accidents. The other day he broke a vase while I was at the grocery store. He asked Joel if he could call me and he told me all about it and explained that when you break something of someone's, it's good to tell them about it. I love hearing his explanations for things. It shows what he's learning and what's going on inside his head!! I love it! Another example is from a few weeks ago...Kyler was over and they kind of pulled the trampoline net apart and threw rice from the rice bin all over the place. I don't know who was the instigator, but they both got in trouble. After Kyler left, I told Ben it was his responsibility to make sure Kyler was following the rules as well. A week later, we had Kyler over again. I had forgotten about the incident. But, before Kyler came over, Ben told me that he would make sure that Kyler knew the rules and that they wouldn't break the trampoline or throw rice. It made me so happy to know that the lesson stayed in Ben's mind!
He is becoming way more comfortable with new situations and new people. His first day of preschool had no tears, which surprised me. His body language told me that he was very nervous, but he went off with no problem. Now, every day, he gives me tons of hugs and kisses while we wait in line, but he happily goes off with his class. He's starting to learn the names of his classmates and looks forward to preschool every week. I've had the chance to see him interact with his classmates a few times, and he's totally himself and perfectly comfortable around the kids. I love getting to preschool early to pick him up and spying on him while they play in the playground. I like watching him play without knowing I'm there. He just runs around happily and totally chill! We also signed him up for gymnastics at the YMCA. He is doing great. He is good at following directions and loves doing all the activities.
Adrienne took this picture of Ben and Kyler in Kyler's room.
His favorite things right now are Dinosaurs, Ninja turtles, Legos, reading books, doing experiments, and getting attention from mom and dad (or anyone he loves). Sometimes we do real science experiments, but most of the time, he's coming up with his own experiments. Usually it involves mixing random stuff together and calling it an experiment...and sometimes it's legitimate, like doing an experiment to see what happens when you put popcorn in a cup of water vs a cup of milk...or he came up with one where he filled three bowls with water and put an ice cube in each one. He wanted to see which melted first (he put other stuff in the bowls, like soap and sand to see if it would make a difference). And books. I love that he loves books. We go to the library a few times a month and come home with a huge stack of books. He'll happily sit and read 20 books at a time with us. He would read all day if Joel or I had the patience and vocal chord stamina!
A few funny stories from the last few days:
So, Emma has really been on my nerves lately. Several times I have said "I'm going to kill her!". Well, at Gymnastics this weekend, they were talking about respect. The teacher asked if anyone knew what respect meant. Ben raised his hand and told the teacher that his mom said she was going to kill Emma, and that is Not respectful. No one knows Emma is a dog!! haha!
On Sunday we tried a new church. We went up for communion. In the tray, there were cups with white juice and purple juice. We all took the purple juice, including Ben. Turns out the purple juice was wine! Ben loudly wanted to know what in the world we had given him! Maybe he'll announce that next week in Gymastics "My dad gave me wine!".
The other day, I woke up just before Ben did. I was standing outside his room and heard him singing sweetly "Jesus is the Lord...Jesus is the Light of the World". What a beautiful sound to wake up to!
Here he is sleeping with Tuckers, legos, a Ninja turtle book, and his nunchucks. He's so big but he's still my sweet little guy....
Adrienne took this picture of Ben and Kyler in Kyler's room.
Preschool field trip to the pumpkin patch. As they were getting ready for the cow train to move, Ben yelled "I love you mommy!!". My heart exploded right then and there.
His favorite things right now are Dinosaurs, Ninja turtles, Legos, reading books, doing experiments, and getting attention from mom and dad (or anyone he loves). Sometimes we do real science experiments, but most of the time, he's coming up with his own experiments. Usually it involves mixing random stuff together and calling it an experiment...and sometimes it's legitimate, like doing an experiment to see what happens when you put popcorn in a cup of water vs a cup of milk...or he came up with one where he filled three bowls with water and put an ice cube in each one. He wanted to see which melted first (he put other stuff in the bowls, like soap and sand to see if it would make a difference). And books. I love that he loves books. We go to the library a few times a month and come home with a huge stack of books. He'll happily sit and read 20 books at a time with us. He would read all day if Joel or I had the patience and vocal chord stamina!
Making popcorn!
A few funny stories from the last few days:
So, Emma has really been on my nerves lately. Several times I have said "I'm going to kill her!". Well, at Gymnastics this weekend, they were talking about respect. The teacher asked if anyone knew what respect meant. Ben raised his hand and told the teacher that his mom said she was going to kill Emma, and that is Not respectful. No one knows Emma is a dog!! haha!
On Sunday we tried a new church. We went up for communion. In the tray, there were cups with white juice and purple juice. We all took the purple juice, including Ben. Turns out the purple juice was wine! Ben loudly wanted to know what in the world we had given him! Maybe he'll announce that next week in Gymastics "My dad gave me wine!".
The other day, I woke up just before Ben did. I was standing outside his room and heard him singing sweetly "Jesus is the Lord...Jesus is the Light of the World". What a beautiful sound to wake up to!
Here he is sleeping with Tuckers, legos, a Ninja turtle book, and his nunchucks. He's so big but he's still my sweet little guy....
Elaina update - seven weeks
She hates her carseat and screams everytime we're in the car. Other than our outings this weekend, I don't get out of the house much. Being away from work and being house-bound makes me feel a little disconnected from people. I find myself talking to people more on social media and text messages. I have almost zero in-person interaction with other people! Just a few minutes at preschool drop off!
During Elaina's awake times, I've been trying to give her some different experiences. I got some books at the library that have cool, high-contrast patterns for her to look at. I've also been reading nursery rhymes to her, doing tummy time and letting her lay by herself. Before we hadn't been doing much of that because she was sleeping so much, or we were trying to get her to sleep. For all her naps and bedtimes, Joel or I carry her until she dozes off. Sometimes she wakes up when we put her down and sometimes she's able to put herself to sleep. The first nap of the day is the easiest and has the best chances of her putting herself to sleep. Other than a rough week last week, she has some luck putting herself back to sleep after the 30-45 minute mark. Again, the first nap is the easiest for this and gets harder as the day goes on. I've found that putting a rice pack on her chest/tummy in the afternoon naps helps her stay asleep. She takes all her naps and night sleeps in a little rocker by our bed...hope I don't regret that...at some point we'll have to transition her to sleeping flat on her back.
She's been smiling more and more. Gosh, I love that smile. It just lights up her whole face. She is cooing and chatting, but not a whole lot. I watched videos of Ben when he was a baby, and Ben was WAY more chatty at a much younger age. She sleeps well at night. Except for one night in the last few weeks, she sleeps a minimum of three hour stretches, but she usually does one 5-7 hour stretch and one 3 hour stretch. I really can't complain that I'm not getting enough sleep. Although, this job sure is tiring.
One of my favorite things about Elaina is her profile. Her jawline is so beautiful! I wish I could get a picture of it, but I usually have the best view of it when she's nursing in the dark room, so it's hard to get a pic. Her skin is incredibly soft. The other day I was rubbing her cheeks and was trying to think of the words to describe how soft they were. It was softer than the softest silk. It was almost like I wasn't touching anything. They are perfectly smooth, warm and smushy! Her hair hasn't fallen out like Ben's did. Wonder if that's still coming? She is very long. Her finger are long, her toes are long...her arms and legs are really long...her neck is long. I love it when I lay her down to change her diaper and she waves her arms around, grabbing at the air. She looks like a little gorilla (although, she doesn't do that really anymore).
Thursday, October 22, 2015
Glamour
I sure am feeling glamorous these days. I spend most of my days in tank tops with no bra. My boobs leak when I nurse, so if I don't have anything nearby, half my shirt gets soaked with milk. I get spit up on and drooled on. Elaina's hands get grimy and smell like cheese. I drink a special tea that's good for nursing. As a result of the fenugreek in it, I smell very strongly of maple syrup all day. I can barely stand the smell of myself. If I'm lucky, I'll have a glass of red wine at 4 in the afternoon which leaves me with lovely purple teeth, just in time for Joel to come home and see his beautiful wife. I haven't gained back total control of some of my bodily functions yet, so that's lovely, especially when we have guests. As Im writing this, I happened to move my foot and felt something wet and gross. Turns out it's dog puke...now there's dog puke on my toes. Elaina's napping on my chest so there's no way I'm moving to clean that anytime soon.
In the last week, I've been blasted with baby poop, wiped Ben's poop 1000 times, picked up dog poop from inside the freaking house, stepped in dog poop in the house, and watched my dog eat her poop (and, honestly, she's also eaten Ben's poop out of his little toilet a few times this week!!!!!...I very truly and honestly might kill the dog. My mom has witnessed two close calls). so much poop! Poop and sleep seem to be the only thing I talk about.
The kitchen is an absolute disaster and the fruit flies are having a blast at our house. Ben got baby powder everywhere several days ago and I've yet to clean it up. If anyone comes over, I hurry and pick up all the dirty diapers off the floor so I look at least .25% pulled together.
Even though there is zerooo glamour to this job, I look down and see the most precious, pure, beautiful girl sleeping on my chest, sucking her tiny hand. Soft, dark hair...the softest cheeks that are too silky and smooth for words...little eyelashes clumped together with tears...little tiny breaths and little tiny toots. So beautiful. Even the toots! This job is so, so hard but being a mom and becoming a mom to a new little soul and loving my kids is the most beautiful thing there is....
Friday, October 9, 2015
Elaina - One Month Reflections.
10 lbs, .5 oz. Above the 97th percentile for height, between 75-90 for weight and head size. Crazy that she's still not the size of Ben when he was born (and we actually went in on her 5 week bday, so she's a little more than 1 month).
The first few weeks with Elaina were super easy breezy. She just slept all the time with no effort on my part. But now that we've hit the four week mark, things are getting a little more challenging. Her naps during the day are a puzzle I'm trying to figure out. I now know what all the books talk about when they say to put the baby to sleep before they get tired. She has a really hard time going to sleep and staying asleep when she gets overtired. And it doesn't take much at all for her to get over tired. She is only awake for about 30 minutes before it's time for her to go to sleep again!
My biggest struggle right now is probably my own brain. I over think things way too much. I stress myself out over what the best way to deal with her sleep is....do I let her cry for a while? Do I comfort her every time she gets upset? Am I ruining her by letting her take one nap per day in the Ergo? Sometimes she's great at putting herself back to sleep after the 30-45 minutes wake-up and sometimes she's not. I spend a lot of time reading suggestions on the internet...but all that does is drive me crazy. I have two websites open right now that give exact opposite advice. One says that the best possible thing to do is to let the baby cry for 15 minutes and wake them up after 1.5 hours of sleep. Another site says that the baby is too young right now to let them cry, so I should pick herup and comfort her whenever she cries. Since I'm indecisive, I can't pick a method that I like, so how I react depends on my mood....Every grunt I hear on the monitor sends a little wave of adrenaline through my body ("noooo! stay asleep!"). My brain goes crazy thinking that maybe it's me who makes my children bad sleepers. Am I turning Elaina into a Ben?? I even think "oh my gosh, she's going to be a terrible sleeper and the Taylor's aren't going to have the patience for this, so I'll have to quit my job just to help my baby sleep". Very rational, I know........
So, other than my crazy brain, things are actually quite good. Since she sleeps so much (or we spend so much time trying to get her to sleep), we don't have a lot of time to interact with her. Joel gets even less time with her since she sleeps almost all evening. He literally gets to see her awake for 10 minutes a day! I love it when she's awake!! I get giddy thinking about the coming weeks/months when she'll be awake more and we will get to know her better!! Her sweetness kills me!! Her cry is the most pitiful thing I've ever heard. God really knows how to design those babies to get exactly what they need! My goodness! Even when my nerves are totally fried and I want to throw things and shoot daggers at anyone who comes within 50 feet of me, I look at her and can't help but melt. At night, she's a great sleeper. On several nights, she's slept for 5-5.5 hours straight. She wakes up and eats for about 7 minutes and then passes right out again for another 3 hours. I sometimes struggle falling asleep, but I'm still getting way more sleep than I thought I would with a newborn! I really have nothing to complain about.
Mornings aren't my favorite...I have a rough time dealing with people in the mornings anyways. I love mornings, but only if I get alone time first!! Right now, I wake up to Ben in my face and am immediately bombarded with 4000 questions. Oooooh, that's rough on my soul. We have a few hours together before we head to preschool or the Taylor's. Elaina hates her carseat, so she screams for the 30-45 minutes it takes for us to get to and from wherever we're going, meanwhile Ben is shouting another 4000 questions at me over the sound of Elaina's crying. So, the first few hours of each morning are rough on my nerves. After that, I'm much better....although dealing with the constant questions from Ben is rough anytime Elaina is crying. It's like my tolerance totally shuts off as soon as the crying starts.
Ben is still totally in love with Elaina. When he holds her, he automatically talks in the most adoring, melty voice. We always have to pry her out of his hands. Although, Ben doesn't like it when Joel holds Elaina because that means Joel can't rough-house.
I do a lot of thinking while I'm nursing Elaina and trying to get her to sleep. I constantly think of ways that I want to improve as a mom/wife...I desperately want more patience with Ben and Joel. During my quiet times, I realize that of course there's nothing more I'd rather be doing than caring for my family...and that I'm THANKFUL for Ben's questions and love the way his mind works. But as soon as I'm in the moment, all that goes out the window and my patience disappears. I wish I could embroider something on my eyelids (I've actually considered getting a tattoo) to remind me that this is what I want to be doing and to be thankful and to be patient, yada yada yada . There's literally nothing better I could be doing with my time than listening to Ben or playing with him....but it's so hard!
Overall, I'm doing better than I thought I would. Joel's internship plus work is keeping him away more than usual. There have been several nights already where I've had the kids all day and he doesn't come home until after bedtime. I'm actually proud that I'm handling things as well as I have. Sure, I've had a few meltdowns, but overall it's good. I sure do love my family!
The first few weeks with Elaina were super easy breezy. She just slept all the time with no effort on my part. But now that we've hit the four week mark, things are getting a little more challenging. Her naps during the day are a puzzle I'm trying to figure out. I now know what all the books talk about when they say to put the baby to sleep before they get tired. She has a really hard time going to sleep and staying asleep when she gets overtired. And it doesn't take much at all for her to get over tired. She is only awake for about 30 minutes before it's time for her to go to sleep again!
My biggest struggle right now is probably my own brain. I over think things way too much. I stress myself out over what the best way to deal with her sleep is....do I let her cry for a while? Do I comfort her every time she gets upset? Am I ruining her by letting her take one nap per day in the Ergo? Sometimes she's great at putting herself back to sleep after the 30-45 minutes wake-up and sometimes she's not. I spend a lot of time reading suggestions on the internet...but all that does is drive me crazy. I have two websites open right now that give exact opposite advice. One says that the best possible thing to do is to let the baby cry for 15 minutes and wake them up after 1.5 hours of sleep. Another site says that the baby is too young right now to let them cry, so I should pick herup and comfort her whenever she cries. Since I'm indecisive, I can't pick a method that I like, so how I react depends on my mood....Every grunt I hear on the monitor sends a little wave of adrenaline through my body ("noooo! stay asleep!"). My brain goes crazy thinking that maybe it's me who makes my children bad sleepers. Am I turning Elaina into a Ben?? I even think "oh my gosh, she's going to be a terrible sleeper and the Taylor's aren't going to have the patience for this, so I'll have to quit my job just to help my baby sleep". Very rational, I know........
So, other than my crazy brain, things are actually quite good. Since she sleeps so much (or we spend so much time trying to get her to sleep), we don't have a lot of time to interact with her. Joel gets even less time with her since she sleeps almost all evening. He literally gets to see her awake for 10 minutes a day! I love it when she's awake!! I get giddy thinking about the coming weeks/months when she'll be awake more and we will get to know her better!! Her sweetness kills me!! Her cry is the most pitiful thing I've ever heard. God really knows how to design those babies to get exactly what they need! My goodness! Even when my nerves are totally fried and I want to throw things and shoot daggers at anyone who comes within 50 feet of me, I look at her and can't help but melt. At night, she's a great sleeper. On several nights, she's slept for 5-5.5 hours straight. She wakes up and eats for about 7 minutes and then passes right out again for another 3 hours. I sometimes struggle falling asleep, but I'm still getting way more sleep than I thought I would with a newborn! I really have nothing to complain about.
Mornings aren't my favorite...I have a rough time dealing with people in the mornings anyways. I love mornings, but only if I get alone time first!! Right now, I wake up to Ben in my face and am immediately bombarded with 4000 questions. Oooooh, that's rough on my soul. We have a few hours together before we head to preschool or the Taylor's. Elaina hates her carseat, so she screams for the 30-45 minutes it takes for us to get to and from wherever we're going, meanwhile Ben is shouting another 4000 questions at me over the sound of Elaina's crying. So, the first few hours of each morning are rough on my nerves. After that, I'm much better....although dealing with the constant questions from Ben is rough anytime Elaina is crying. It's like my tolerance totally shuts off as soon as the crying starts.
Ben is still totally in love with Elaina. When he holds her, he automatically talks in the most adoring, melty voice. We always have to pry her out of his hands. Although, Ben doesn't like it when Joel holds Elaina because that means Joel can't rough-house.
I do a lot of thinking while I'm nursing Elaina and trying to get her to sleep. I constantly think of ways that I want to improve as a mom/wife...I desperately want more patience with Ben and Joel. During my quiet times, I realize that of course there's nothing more I'd rather be doing than caring for my family...and that I'm THANKFUL for Ben's questions and love the way his mind works. But as soon as I'm in the moment, all that goes out the window and my patience disappears. I wish I could embroider something on my eyelids (I've actually considered getting a tattoo) to remind me that this is what I want to be doing and to be thankful and to be patient, yada yada yada . There's literally nothing better I could be doing with my time than listening to Ben or playing with him....but it's so hard!
Overall, I'm doing better than I thought I would. Joel's internship plus work is keeping him away more than usual. There have been several nights already where I've had the kids all day and he doesn't come home until after bedtime. I'm actually proud that I'm handling things as well as I have. Sure, I've had a few meltdowns, but overall it's good. I sure do love my family!
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