Fear

I always see quotes talking about not letting fear get in the way of what you want to do. I've never thought too deeply about it because my first thought would always be about my big fears (earthquakes/tsunamis...) and I could quickly say that,  duh, I don't let my fear of earthquakes stop me from doing much (although I'm still relieved I no longer live on the coast with the constant fear of tsunamis! I was a somewhat irrational child/teen)! And then I'd move on with my thoughts. 

The other day, I saw a beautiful picture with a caption about fear being a tricky manipulator that quietly stops you from doing what you want to do. Maybe it was the words "quietly" and "tricky" that made me stop and think about it. I realized that the "fear" that stops me from doing things isn't big, scary fear like my fear of earthquakes....it is a quiet, sneaky fear and it turns out this fear actually keeps me from doing LOTS of stuff!!!

I started a little list. I titled the list "what does fear keep me from doing?". The first thing that came to mind was the word "everything!" Well then! Here are a few other things I came up with.

- I don't go out much with Ben for fear of lots of things...will he like it? Will he be bored? throw a fit? Will it be worth the effort to schedule around naps, get us ready, packed, loaded and out the door blah blah blah? My fear of all that keeps me from doing simple trips to the grocery store with Ben, little activities or even big adventures. We just booked a trip to Arizona to the Grand Canyon and to see my grandparents that I've been putting off precisely because of the reasons I just listed.

- my fear of being over-scheduled or tired keeps me from committing to things or scheduling things...even though I like doing things! It's like half my brain wants to hoard time...but that means we're at home doing nothing a lot. I'm happy to report that I overcame this fear and committed to a membership at a yoga place. I've even been doing evening classes when I would normally be heading to bed!

- fear of feeling my feelings. I feel things so deeply and strongly...so whether it's empathizing deeply with people (or even characters in a book or movie), I almost always avoid things for fear of feeling strong...and often uncomfortable... emotion.

- fear of failure. I know. Many people probably would say they fear failure. This one is kind of vague and I couldn't pinpoint how, or if, it affects my daily life. But it's good for me to be aware of in case it tries to quietly and sneakily manipulate me from doing something I want to do. 

- fear of the unknown. This is pretty vague, too. Isn't fear exactly that? Just the unknown? If we know things,  we don't usually fear them as much.

Most of the time, I don't think "oh, I'm scared of xyz therefore I'm going to sit in my house." Like the caption said, the fear is a quiet manipulator, so I just somehow avoid doing lots of things that I want or need to do. So, when Ben wakes up from his nap, I'm going to put out the effort to get him in his snow pants, boots, gloves, hat, and coat and get out the sled and we're going to go play in the snow. Who cares if the experience isn't worth the effort! I'll never know if it is worth the effort unless I go for it!