"Hmmm, does this ever happen to you? Sometimes when I'm hanging out with Ben, I feel detached and disconnected. I just sit there and stare into space. I don't engage with him. When I do try , sometimes it feels forced or fake and I feel like he can tell. Lately, I just carry him around but don't do a lot to interact. I feel like a horrible mom. Joel is always so energetic and is always singing, playing, reading, etc.
I don't know if it's because I'm extremely tired or what (I got about four hours of sleep last night. The longest stretch was an hour and a half).
I love Ben so much, but I feel weird about my lack of interaction with him. He's taken three naps in my arms today and he sleeps on my chest every morning for 2-3 hours....so he's getting lots of mommy time...
Thoughts? I feel awful"
She emphatically assured me that it was totally normal (have I mentioned how great it is to have her going through this at the same time as me???). Yesterday I was feeling discouraged. Joel is sooo great with Ben and I was feeling less-than-great. I'm so happy Joel is so amazing, I just wish I was as amazing and had endless energy and patience like him.
Today is a new day and I'm feeling great. I have energy (could be that I just had my first cup of coffee!!!) and I feel confident in my mommy skills. I even successfully put Ben down for a nap after only five minutes of snuggling him!
I'm not having a pity party for myself or anything and I don't mean to make this sound like a big deal. I just want to document the ups and downs and the different feelings I have as I figure all of this out. I LOVE being a mommy and I love learning all of this with Joel. When i told Joel about my feelings about him being so great and me not-as-great, his response was that he's only so great because he's doing what I have taught him to do. Thanks sweetie :)
The picture is me right after I had the glorious coffee. It's also to document Mr. Drooly McGee. We've started having him wear a bib because he soaks his clothes in no time! And, of course, I like what his bib says :)
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