I wrote during the night after she was born (there was no way I could sleep after that!!). As I put this all on the blog, it's been a week since she was born and I desperately want to remember her birth!! The intensity of it and the way I handled it, and the way I felt after she was born...my words don't do it justice, but it's the best I can do!
On Thursday evening, around 9:30 pm, I started to have uncomfortable contractions. Joel was at a friends house, so I texted him and told him that he might want to come home and get some sleep since this might be his last chance! The contractions continued all night long but never really got any closer together. Around midnight, I took a bath and took some Tylenol. I was able to get a little bit of sleep after that. The next morning (Friday), I had Joel go to work and Ben went to the Taylor's. I took another bath, ate food, stretched, tried to rest and just did whatever felt good. Throughout the day, I kind of stopped timing the contractions because I knew they weren't consistent and some weren't as intense as others. Around 2:00, I was texting with Sara and Brenna and Chauncy and said I wanted to go get a cheeseburger...but at that same time, contractions started to be more consistent and uncomfortable so no cheeseburger for me! In my notes, I say I took a long shower and noted some tightness in my back. I was starting to feel quivery in my arms and that my focus was changing.
Probably around 3:30, I laid down for a bit, and that's when Joel and Ben came home. Ben wanted to stay with me in bed. Then I got in the bath. After a while, Ben wanted to join me in the tub. I let him and he would pour water on my back during my contractions, which felt really good. When I told him I was having a contraction, he would quietly sit and wait for it to be over. Normally Ben loves playing with Joel, but that afternoon, Joel couldn't do anything to get Ben to leave me.
We got to the hospital at 6:30 pm and my contractions were almost right on top of each other. I'm sure I was quite the show for the people in the waiting room. I had several contractions just walking in the door, then several more as we checked in and waited for the nurses to take me to L&D. Our doula met us in the waiting room. We skipped triage and they checked me right into a room. One nurse checked me and said I was a 9 but another nurse said I was an 8. Who cares. I said I wanted an epidural asap but the whole room was really encouraging me not to. Since I was so close, they didn't think it would provide the relief I thought it would and they thought it would slow things down and end up making me push longer. I was incapable of making decisions, so instead of deciding, I just labored away, standing while leaning over the side of the bed. In my head, I kept thinking that I KNOW I could do it, but I was very worried that I would end up pushing for three hours and the thought of three more hours in pain was NOT APPEALING (turns out it was 3 more hours of pain...but only 1.5 hrs of that was pushing).
We checked in right at shift change and I'm soooo thankful we did. The midwife that was just getting off was way too soft for me. She kept trying to gently hold my hands and tell me lovey, beautiful things. Don't touch me, lady!! We didn't have good chemistry. But I loved the team that came on as soon as we got there!!!! Midwife was Sylvia? And nurse was Amy. Plus my doula Julie. Baby nurse was also named Sylvia, I think.
At some point they made me get back in bed to check me ( I was starting to really need to push). Uuuugh I did nottttt want to lay in bed. But somehow I made it. The details are a little fuzzy but soon after laying down, my water BURST. It felt really good! Then the pushing really started. Again details are fuzzy. I pushed for an hour and a half. I said a few times that I really didn't know how she was going to come out. I had just watched Chauncy pushing a few weeks ago and her nurses were telling her the exact same things they told me...and Owen didn't come out. So I was sure the nurses were just telling me the same, generic encouraging things without actually meaning it.
The "pain" is so interesting to describe. The pressure was Sooo intense and the contractions themselves were very painful (although I hesitate to use the word pain because it's unlike any other pain I've felt). But pushing through the contractions made the pain more bearable. I felt a small amount of burning, but the actual squeezing the baby out of my body didn't hurt neaaaaarly like I thought it would. It was the contractions that hurt!! Even when she actually came out, I didn't feel the huge rush or relief I've heard about. I was IN SHOCK that I had just pushed her out. Whaaaaat????? I've never ever imagined that I would ever give birth without an epidural. I didn't even WANT to. Pain?? Noooo thank you. And here she was, just a few short hours after real labor started!! The midwife and nurses kept telling me not to be afraid of the pain of pushing, and I kept telling them "I'm not!! I don't really feel any pain!" They were surprised to hear that. What I meant is that I didn't feel pain of her stretching me or anything. Again, it was just the inteeeense pressure of the contractions that were painful.
Her coming out was kind of a blur. I have a quick flash of a memory of feeling flailing arms and legs, and I vaguely remember someone saying she would be here after one more push or something like that. As soon as she was out, they laid her on me, skin to skin and she just lay there totally content for an hour before she started showing signs of wanting to eat. Her cord was really short, but they let it stop pulsing before they cut it. I had a 2nd degree tear that they had to sew up. The stiches weren't fun, but I had a new baby on my chest and I was thrilllllled that labor was over!!
Right now, down there is just really really sore. But other than that, I feel great! Lots of adrenaline and I had the shakes really bad after I delivered her, but those went away fairly quickly (it's 4:15 am as I write this and i still can't fall asleep...almost 7 hours after she was born). Julie stayed with us for at least an hour or so after the birth and it was fun to chat and debrief that whole time with her and Joel and the nurses. It was a happy, relaxed, friendly environment.
I had a few coping mechanisms. For the contractions, I found that shaking my head back and forth really helped. I kept thinking about Ben and how he's comforted by banging his head. When I was shaking my head, I focused on the way the sounds around me changed as my head moved and I wondered if that's what Ben likes about banging his head. I felt like I learned something from him to cope with my labor. The ice cold wash cloths were a lifesaver too. Also, NOT laying in bed or sitting made things WAY more bearable. Sitting in the car and the bed were sooooo uncomfy!!! I did almost all my pushing on my back, but before that, contractions laying down were unbearable!! Leaning against the bed with my stomach hanging down allowed me to toootttalllly relax between contractions. Sometimes I even felt almost relaxed enough to go to sleep!
I also HAD to keep calm and focused and totally relaxed. There was really no other option. If I had let the pain take control, it would have been total chaos and I legitimately would have been acting like a lunatic. There's noooo waaayyyy I could have done it without total calm and relaxation. Every time a contraction would come, I would shake my head but otherwise totally relax. It wasn't until the very end that I had to moan or yell, but even that wasn't helpful....it was more helpful to relax. I have to brag....the nurses and midwives and my doula could not believe how focused and calm I was. For the calmness, I feel like i was channeling my inner Brenna. She had preached to me so many times the importance of staying relaxed during labor. I had her in mind much of the time. If I didn't know Brenna had done it, I'm not sure my success wouldn't have been as good.
Goodness. I can't list all the ways this birth was different from Ben's birth. There's nothing wrong with Ben's birth at all and I have zeeerrrooooo regrets about how that happened. But this one sure has wayyyyy more positives to it (physically). Wooooweeeeee!! For starters, I ate a sandwich very soon after I gave birth. I think she was still on my chest when I ate the sandwich.
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