Energy

I got to thinking earlier this week...after eating Pizza one night and then being totally lazy and vegging on the couch...then walking upstairs to our DISASTER of a bathroom (it was hilariously disastrous. I almost took a picture to send to people in case they ever have the crazy idea that we always keep our house clean...). I wondered why I often feel so UNENERGIZED. I continued thinking about it on my way to work the next morning. My brain went off on a little tangent and I started thinking about a girl's weekend for Brenna, Chauncy and I. I was daydreaming and thought that the ideal weekend was a getaway to a little cabin in the woods where we could enjoy the outdoors, the quiet, being around each other and go for some hikes. I also thought that it would be awesome if we could eat totally healthy, fresh meals and throw in a little yoga while we were at it. Aaaaaah, sounds dreamy.

As I was daydreaming about this getaway, I realized that what I was really doing was thinking of things that ENERGIZE me and putting them all together in a weekend. So, I jotted down a quick list of things that energize me. It took me about 30 seconds to jot down the first ten things. The next few things on the list came to mind as I thought about it for a few minutes. Here is that list:

• Cleaning
• Purging
• Eating Fresh Food
• Being Outside
• Helping Others
• Physical Activity
• Creating Order
• Worship (when it is real, genuine, true...)
• Reflection
• Connecting with others on a deeper level
• Creating things
• Working with my hands
• Dreaming, hoping, planning
• Laughing
• Gardening/Yard Work

(I thought it was funny that Cleaning and Purging were first on the list)

After making this list, I thought about the things I spend my time on. I spend my time on the complete opposite of this list (sitting at work, laying around on the couch, playing on my phone...). I do absolutely NONE of the energizing things on a daily basis. I could go days without doing more than maybe one thing that energizes me...and usually that one thing is reflecting or daydreaming in the car on my way to work. No wonder I feel so unenergized!!! I spend 99.9% of my time on things that either waste or drain my energy and I do absolutely nothing to restore it. This all sounds obvious, but it was a total lightbulb moment for me. 

That day at work, I immediately set out to do a few tiny things that give me an ounce of energy. As the list said, I enjoy creating order and cleaning...so I cleaned up my desk. Another thing is helping people. Joel and I love helping people with their yard work and with house stuff. I have a coworker who just bought her first house all by herself. I had been feeling genuinely excited to help her paint or clean or do yard work...but I never said anything because most people brush off offers to help. But, feeling newly inspired, I talked to her that day and told her I was 100% serious that Joel and I really want to help her with something once she gets moved in. When we were at my Dad's for Thanksgiving, I got the urge to landscape his yard (it was pretty ragged). So, We all jumped in and cleaned his yard up in no time. It felt so good!! 

I often feel misunderstood by people. The words that come out of my mouth do not reflect what's going on in my head most of the time. I try to be more true to myself by sharing what I feel and think, but it feels impossible 99.9% of the time. I have lots of insecurities that keep most of "Me" up in my head and it never comes out. 

I still haven't decided whether to post this blog post or not and have been debating with myself for days about it. All my other blog posts are purely for my own memory-keeping...but if I post this, it's because I want the few people who read my blog to read this....So if you're reading it, I obviously decided to post it. This is one attempt at showing genuineness.